9 year old who wont smarting off?

Question

my sister is in town for losing her 12 year old to his dad because she hasnt had a job for a year, is now on 5 drugs for anxiety and tells my 9 year old she would take care of him if i died. convincing him to live with her. he has been mistreating me everday for 2 weeks, having an attitude, being mean for no reasons. i have spanked him, then he tells on me behind my back, when i get home from work they are always laying around on eachother watching tv. i make him get up, do hw and play outside, he hates me for being the "boss".. i try to talk to him, he will NOT respect me, always has a smartass mouth and when its time to be punished he cries like a baby. i even caught them doing kartwheels together....--this is a 9 year old BOY!!! good news is she is leaving this sunday moving back to florida.......how can i get this kid to respect me, his mouth and tone is aweful.

she stays with my parents, she or my mom will pick him up from school until i come home from work.....

Answer 1

Your sister should not be allowed back into your home until she respects you, as the head of household, and this is probably the attitude that you son has adopted. If it works for your sister (which it seems to be doing) then he's simply copying her. Mimicry is how kids learn almost everything they do, from eating to talking, so this is just another aspect of this learning curve. However, it has to stop immediately that she leaves the house, and you are the only person who can do this.

Ground him. You don't have to tell him that he's grounded (better not to, in fact) but ensure that you and he are each other's own and only company for the first week after she leaves. Send him to his room (without TV or computer games) each time he's giving you lip. Without other sources of entertainment he'll eventually come back to you to be his friend. When he's around, do the chores together. Make the household maintenance a shared concern, and I include cooking. Get a pizza base and some toppings, and ask him to put the toppings on ... I dunno, like decorating a cake but quicker and no skill required! That way it's more like finger paining than hard work, but he'll feel proud to have helped make something that contributes to your family. Eventually this can stretch to doing the recycling, stacking dirty dishes etc.

Finally, if you find that this doesn't work, you need to seek some professional help, and do it this month. A 9-year old hooligan is OK to deal with, but when he's bigger than you and hormonally challenged, you're going to be in much more serious trouble, and so is he.

Answer 2

as most of the other people have said, your main issue seems to be with your sister, not your son.

On a side not, what in the world is wrong with cartwheels?

Answer 3

You need to find new care for your child & cut some of the ties. She is not a good role model for your child. I would tell her from now on she needs to check with you before spending time with him. She is probably trying to fill in for her own child & may not even realize what she is doing to you & your son's relationship.

You need to continue to just worry about your son & keep being the mean mom. Read the poem underneath, I love it!!

Answer 4

Sounds to me like your sister likes to undermine you and cause drama. I'd stop putting my son and self in situations where she's around until she gets her act together and can compy to your rules as the mom when in your home.

Once she's gone I'm sure that you'll see a change and normalicy return to your home.

Answer 5

first of all, you should ask him if he thinks that she would be able to take care of him if she can't even take care of her own child---then you get her out of your house and tell her she can't come back until she grows up. Then, every time he acts up with you, take something away. It's worse than spanking---they hate it. My 9 year old son just got his DS back after 2 weeks, you would think I had done the worst thing on Earth! They are pretty smart. He'll snap out of it.

Answer 6

Your sister is leaving Sunday and not a second to soon.  start by sitting her down and telling her very firmly that you can understand she misses her child but she has to understand that this is your child not hers and you will decide what is best for him and what is not and if she wants to continue to have a relationship with him then she has got to respect the fact that you are his mother and back off or else you will have to object to them spending time together.  Then sit your son down and tell him that you love him and that you aren't going to die so he need not get all excited he is stuck with you and as mom what you say goes even if he doesnt like it he has to respect you.  chances are when the sister is gone he will calm down but just set the boundries and then inforce them.

Answer 7

Your main problem is not him, its her. Telling YOUR child those things was NOT acceptable and you need to tell her that. Just because she lost her kids gives her no right to try to take yours. After you have a talk with her, she needs to have a proper talk with your son.