9yr old Daughter with anger problems?

Question

Pls help with advise and serious answers only.

I have a 9yr old daughter who has not been spoilt, but in the last couple of weeks has become more and more nasty to me. We were on holiday last week and when ever things didnt go her way or we did something for myself or my partner (her dad) if she didnt want to do it all h**l let lose.

This week including today I have had a torrent of abuse thrown at me including the fact she wants me to go, drop deid with cancer which as you can imagine hurt me so much. this throw of agression was because I told her off coz her bedroom was a pigsty. She always says sorry afterwards which doeasnt help as I tell her thats such an easy word to say. I just want her to show how sorry she is by changing as I want my daughter back . She also threatened to cut herself if I didnt unlock the front door for her to run away, obviously I didnt do as she said and she didnt follow thru with her threat either.

Im at me wits end.

Answer 1

i have been through this my self twice, please don't let her hurt full comments upset you or at least don't let her see that they do, you really have to try and ride with it, its something 9 out of 10 girls this age go through and they really don't understand whats happening, yes its all to do with age, hormones being exact, they get all the feelings but don't know how to control them, or why they are feeling it, this can happen before they even start their periods,  i know its hard but please try not to get angry with her, just be there for her and tell her you love her, if you haven't explained the birds and bees to her maybe now is the time to start as it might help her to understand why she is feeling this way, good luck X

Answer 2

Is she being bullied at school?  Sounds like that, or something similar, is happening.  She's very angry about something though, that's for sure, and she's taking it out on you because that's the easiest (and safest) way for her to express herself.

Answer 3

You need to nip this in the bud, quick, if she is like this now, what will she be like as a teenager?

Be firm with her, show her whos the parent,

Answer 4

I'm a child counsellor and know things like this off by heart OK here goes

1. bullying. bullying may turn your child subdued or nasty is she saying things like she wants to die? she might blame you for giving birth to her so she has to live and go through  bullying

2. mood swings. Mood swings can happen at any age more through the ages 9 and 16

3. SATS are coming up for girls her age all over perhaps she is scared she will do bad

4. are you having another baby or has she got any younger siblings or any at all they could be making her jealous

5. has she had an argument with a Friend or something this happens she could be really upset about it so she is taking it out on you

6. a boyfriend has cheated on her yes she is a young age but belive me kids have boyfriends and girlfriends

if you suspect any of these please talk to her you will notice a lot comes out she may start crying or get angry but you have to put up with this also remind her your there to help and if she is being bullyed there are people at school to help if she keeps on please take her to a counsellor like myself though i live in the USA so you probly couldn't you will; notice a big change do this before the summer holidays

i really hope this helped you love and each day remind your daughter how much you love her even though she is mean to you

Answer 5

start a behaviour chart, bring in some relativily adult treats such as getting a facial or nails/pedicure etc...u can work with her behaviour, she will b getting her periods soon and thats when you'll have problems, adress them now....get the chart.

Answer 6

I used to have bad anger issues.

I know how she feels. Like she's not either:

A) Good enough

B) Upset about a certain thing or a bunch of things

C) Wants attention.

D) Hormones?

Sit her down talk to her. Tell her not to talk or shout or interuppt until you finished.  say that like it hurts you when she says those things.

I also Suggest a therapist.

Answer 7

It sounds to me as if there is something going on in her life that you don't know about.  I would do a little digging.

Answer 8

sound like to me when she throws a fit she gets her way.

She throws the fits for your reaction.  dont give her a reaction that she likes a negative reaction will get her to stop.

Answer 9

Well, there could be a couple of problems.

1.  Could be her hormones are racing and she can't control them.  If that's the case, maybe she needs to start realizing when she's getting out of control and go cool off.

2.  Something tramatic could have happened to her recently and she needs to talk about it, but she doesn't feel like she can come to you with it.  Lashing out at you is easier, than lashing out at the person who harmed her.

Answer 10

Wow she is a young girl growing up fast..give her a taste of her own medicine..... but remember she may be young but she is turning into a women....

Answer 11

The pre-teen stage especially when raising a girl is so difficult.  I have two teen age daughters and it has been h**l at times.  It sounds like your daughter may be typical in always wanting her way and never wanting to listen.  But I am concerned by her threatening herself with bodily harm.  This is not "normal".  My oldest daughter went through the angry stage and threatened herself.  I was very concerned and took her to a counselor where we discovered she had an anger management problem which wasn't "normal" for her age.  She was able to speak freely about her issues and even though nothing "tragic" had happened to her she needed someone else to talk to.  After a couple of month's she no longer needed therapy or anger management and even now that she is older she has those tools to help her manage herself and her anger.  I would strongly suggest you take your daughter to a counselor as well.  They will be able to help you, and your daughter communicate better.  Right now she's winning the fight, she is getting the attention and the desired reaction she is wanting from you.  Be firm, be patient, and seek some outside help.  It will be worth it for you in the end, and it will help you in the many years to come.  This h**l isn't a permanent stage, but it will seem to last forever.  I wish you the best.

Answer 12

If this has only recently started I would talk to her about it . Tell her that her behavior is upsetting you and that you need to know if there is anything going on at school or with her friends . Tell her that if there is something goin on then she can always tell you and that you will help to sort it out . When she says sorry also ask her why she should be sorry . You need to tell her that this behavior isnt like her and that the only way she can show you she is sorry is by changing back to how she used to be .

Hope This Helps x

Answer 13

Perhaps her periods may start soon! my 9 yr old nephew has started pubity!