A 4 yr old is creating havoc - what to do?

Question

I have 4 yr old step-son that is defiant, mean, oppositional, disrespectful, throws tantrums constantly and is creating issues between his mother and me.

We are at our wits end as to what to do, nothing works whether we smother him with attention or punish him.

It is getting to the point that I don't even want to see him anymore.

Does anyone know where I can get practical tips on handling an oppositional child?

Answer 1

He needs a good spanking.  

Answer 2

The problem isn't the child.  The problem is lack of consistency as far as discipline is concerned.   You are blaming the boy for what his father does.  All adults (parents and step parents) need to be on the same page and parent together otherwise there will always be problems and blaming the child for lack of consistency on the part of the parents is ridiculious.  The child can't parent himself.  

Answer 3

I love this website, lots of ideas for discipline and other things.

Put yourself in his shoes and try to understand what he is going through and respond accordingly.

Answer 4

tell the dad to stop being such a ***** and spank the boy

Answer 5

presistance and the most important thing is to set down the rules and punishments for him and never waiver. If you waiver once he will try it 20 more times.

Answer 6

It sounds like he has oppositional disorder. My friend's kid has that. She found a program through the local children's services. It wasn't CPS but I think they could also help if you explain that you are simply looking for help and not foster care. They have helped me. They have a special program at the hospital for diagnosing the problem. With this sort of problem, I think your wife also feels the same about wishing to get rid of the kid rather than having to deal with so much frustration. She probably feels really bad about that. She needs your support. Tell her that you don't think she is a bad mom. Tell her you think that this problem is bigger then either one of you and you will help her find the help she needs. It doesn't mean she will lose him but at least you will know what to do. I wonder if he is autistic.

Answer 7

you should take him to a psychologist and see what his problem is he may have one or more of the following add, adhd, odd...

Answer 8

spank him, and if that doesn't work get the belt out

Answer 9

I assume he lives at two houses, since you say you don't want to see him anymore.

How is he diciplined at the other house.  I would try to team up with the other parent and reinforce the rules at each of the houses he's at.  If not tell him that he won't be able to have fun visits with you unless he behaves.

Our friends four year old went through a second round of "terrible twos" when she was for and she's almost five now and is just starting to mellow out again.

Patience is your only defense.

Answer 10

have different sessions. Like make a time limit give him a certain time that  you let him go out and play and just have a ball outside were he can just have fun. and when he does something bad don't feel bad for punishing him for it trust me he will thank you for it one day