Question:

A Father seeking DNA testing to do "right thing" after 9 years of not acknowledging the child, whats right?

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I am not sure what it is my ex if really wanting to do. He was married previously to a woman in Germany, whom he met while stationed there, serving in the US Army. She became pregnant, they married, prior to his getting out of the Army, once out of the Army, he stayed in Germany for a while, then they couldn't get along anymore, for lack of better words, so he came back to the States, where his family resides. I don't think he had been back too long when we had met. After being together a year, I became pregnant. We had a really tough time making ends meet, etc, we ended with his parents, and he had a hard time finding a job. Neither here nor there now, I think. But all in all, in the ended, without me knowing, he went back to Germany. I went into labor on a Thursday was admitted to the hospital about 3. That was about the time he was boarding his flight. He had told me to page him when I was admitted, that way he would be able to be there. I did, but didn't know why he never showed or answered. I didn't have our son til that Friday morning. After some good drugs and some sleep, most of that day was gone. So I ended up getting in touch with his sister that Saturday. I had asked her where he was and she stated "what you don't know, he didn't tell you,", yeah that's why I am asking right?!?! Anyway, that was when I found out that he had left for Germany, supposedly with a round trip ticket, set to come back 30 days after leaving if that is what he so chose to do. I maybe heard from him once or 2x during that time period, and he never came out to say what he was doing besides thinking, but called his sister on that 28th day to see if he was needing a ride from the airport, she said he hadn't called. I will not deny that yeah we had our problems, I'm just now finding out that I am BiPolar Type II with the I think mixed mood disorder or what not. Never heard of anything like that, muchless ADD, which, yeah, that is what he has. I know my son has it too. While he was pretty nasty to me at times after he left, I still tried to know kinda what was going on so I could keep up with my options, if he so chose to come back and try to fight for my son. His then ex-wife made it sound like once they all moved to the states, there would be like a reunion, and then we'd all be one happy family I guess, cuz she referred to herself as step mom all the time, when we were on speaking terms. Anyhow, he's never seen my son in the flesh and when I realized he wasn't coming back, I found a new man to spend my time with. The Bio father of my son went and remarried the first wife, and now had a 3rd child for himself. I almost feel like I was a love affair, and my son is the love child, since he is in the middle of their 2 in age. My now husband and I went on to have 2 girls, and all 3 kids have been raised like they are all my husband's. He doesn't treat my son any differently then his 2 girls. He didn't have any other children when we got together, I made sure of that after the experience with the first. Plus my son was only 11 weeks old when I met him, so my son doesn't have a clue. There was a time before that the BIO father stated he didn't care who it made mad but he wanted to be a part of my son's life, but a week later he stated he couldn't financially do it. This was 4 years ago. And let me add, he wants to be a part of his life as long as the DNA test comes back and shows its a match, since he stated he found me to be shady at the time, though I think it boils down to the fact there was arguing and not alot of intercourse, so I guess be insecure he assumed I was getting it from somewhere else. Anyway, after a week of rolling over the cost of back child support, current child support, a dna test, plus what he would owe the state of Texas for past benefits, he said he just couldn't afford it, so he was I guess backing off. He was working a job in Texas at the time, then laid off after a while and went back to Germany and was working on and off in the Middle East. Well, now, he is no longer married to the 1st wife, so that has ended in divorce, a 2nd time, and whether he pays support on them, I don't know. I didn't ask. But now since there is my cousin (thru marriage), that was setting him up with this her cousin chick, (my cousin knew about the BIO father of my son, it just didn't DAWN on her, that this guy she's been talking to for the last couple of months was the BIO, when she found out she was UPSET), he has said he guesses he would like to do the right thing. He said to see about setting up the DNA test and he will "Man up" and take care of his responsibilities, per him. Only he would like to really keep it out of court, since he didn't think he would be able to pay for all kinds of stuff... But I am skeptical. I am not sure if there is an alterior motive or what. I wonder if he feels if don't wanna blow his chance with this chick, he's gonna step up. I'm not sure if he will even

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6 ANSWERS


  1. There is no right and no wrong here, there is simply wisdom to be acqured:  If one spreads one's "wealth" all over the place, eventually some "banker" will come out of the shadows to foreclose.

    My advice to you is to consult an attorney specializing in paternity cases; and consider obtaining the most potent blend of herbal tea that you can get your hands on.


  2. i think you should tell your son what the entire situation is. he's eight or nine, that's a little old for him not to know. imagine when he's a teenager. what if he finds out that you kept that from him. it could ruin your relationship. he could hate you for it.

    Now i'm sure you've thought about that, which is why you're having so many problems thinking about what to do.

    i don't think you should let this man back into your life, or into the life of your son.  he vanished on you, when you needed him. you're married, and have an entire life. do you really need to bring him back into it? after all the pain and upset he caused your family?

    i think that if you want to get money from him, you should make sure he signs all the legal paperwork before you have the test done. you should probably make sure he wont sue you for joint custody or something like that.

  3. Call Maury Povich.  He knows how to handle this situation.

  4. go on the Maury Show and have the DNA test done. Cost is about $500.00 and can be done with just the parents and child giving a swab sample. It only takes a few days.  You need to get this settled each child needs to know hat they have a parent out there .  The father needs to step up and pay support.  He should pay back support.  the child has the right to know of any medical conditions there may be in the future.

  5. I wouldn't go along with the DNA test until a lawyer gets him to sign a contract agreeing to your terms in child support and visitation time. I absolutely want this in court.

    He has vanished on you, on his other wife, on his other kids.

    I don't see that you or especially your son get anything out of his coming back into your lives - probably to disappear again.  I think he has showed you his personality - he didn't "man up " before and he has given you NO evidence that he has changed.

  6. um WOW long answer

    i woudlnt trust him with my son

    he went got one girl pregenant, left her to get another girl pregnant, left HER day of her labor, gto married to frist girl adn divorced hr again!??!?

    he sounds very unreliable

    and i dont think he has any alterior motives as much as he wants to feel loved by ur son, wants to feel bette rbotu himself probably feels really guilty

    however tis too alte to feel guilty hesn ot someone reliable, and u dotn want him being nice to ur son for a year and hten walking out on him it would be horirble for ur son, and for ur whole family

    tell him if he wants a kid to get get another grl pregnant and stay with her this time and be a normal person!

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