A Frustrated Mother?

Question

I have two children, a daughter 8, and a son 7. My problem is, my daughter absolutely loves to read, but when i try to talk to her, she completely ignores me. She is so absorbed in her book, or whatever she is reading, it's like the outside world doesn't exist. How can i get through to her without yelling. Also, my son, who is 7, when he is trouble for something, he just laughs at me like it's a great big joke. The more he laughs, the more angry i get. How can i get him to take me seriously? They are the best children i could have wished for, and i love them more than life itself, but the way they ignore me when asked to do something is frustrating me beyond words. Can someone please help me?

Answer 1

A whack on the bum shoudl let him no its not a joke .. i can understand how this might be hard for you to do . But its apprent that words do nothing . No matter what ppl say this kind of disaplin IS NOT abuse

Take her book away maybe, This is a tough one casue you definatly dont want to put her off reading but at the same time she needs to become more social  

Answer 2

If your daughter is busy reading, maybe she really doesn't hear you because she's so engaged in the book.  It could be that she's not intentionally ignoring you, she really just doesn't hear you.  Next time you want her attention, go up to her and say her name or tap her on the shoulder to get her attention.  If she is still ignoring you, then next time before she starts reading have a talk with her.  Just explain to her that you know she's interested in the book, but that when you talk to her she needs to put the book down and look at you.   You could also try to give her some reading space, where she can have uninterrupted reading time.  Of course if there's something you need to speak with her about right then she'll just have to be understanding.  I think that by setting up a set time for her, where she can read without interruptions you'll show her that you respect her and her activity.   If she feels you are respecting her reading time, she might be more inclined to respect you when you talk to her.

With your son laughing at you, just stay cool.  He's doing that to get a rise out of you, and it sounds like it's working.  Children like to see what they can do to make adults angry, it gives them a sense of power.  Don't forget, you're the parent and the one in control.  Next time he does something that you are punishing him for, and he laughs, just ignore him.  Calmly explain what he did that was wrong, and what his punishment is.   Don't even acknowledge the laughing, it'll just feed into his power.  

For example:  You ask your son to clean up his room and he doesn't.  You go to him and say "I asked you to clean your room and it's still messy" Now, if he's laughing, just ignore him and continue by saying, "Since you didn't clean your room like I asked, you are going to lose a privelage."  Pick a privelage (have one picked ahead of time) and tell him he's lost it for X amount of time. He still may be laughing, but trust me, he's more upset than you think.  Take away something you know he really likes.  

To address the laughing, just talk to him about it.  Explain that it's rude, and ask him how he would feel if you laughed at him?  Give him a senario that he can relate to.  What if he came to you because he fell and hurt himself and you laughed?  How would he feel?  He might say he won't care, but I'm sure inside he gets the message.

If he doesn't stop, then just take something away when he is disrepecting you by laughing.  YOU have the power, not your kids.  Good luck

Answer 3

Your best children ignore you and laugh at you. Why do you need help?

You raised them and they ignore you. Why should I help you?

Why are you frustrated, you raised your kids, they turned out. Why should I help you? Your kids are your problem.

You say they're the best children ever! That your first problem.

Ifthey were my kids, I'd discipline and whack some ***. Pretty soon, they'd be good kids. My kid always said Maa'm, Sir and behaved herself in public. Her father and I checked on her. We told her we would.

Since you have the best kids, they don't have to listen, unlike mine, who had to listen to EVERYTHING!

I was the boss. My child had to listen to us, we didn't give a choice. What's wrong with you? Act like an adult.

I dare you! Take two kids to a restaurant and make them behave.

It's not the kids, its you.

I've already made the worse kid in the world, behave in a restaurant. It was easy. The waitress even liked him. Can you take your kids to Olive Garden and make them behave?

Answer 4

With your daughter, When she's reading and you say something try speaking a little louder, or say (Insert name here), I'm talking to you.

And your son, try a harder punishment.. I know it sounds harsh, but What else  do you do?..

Hopefully that will correct him.

Answer 5

When your daughter is reading, she is in her own world.  Lightly and patiently put your hand on her back or arm, or someplace, smile at her when she looks at you and talk to her.  By touching her you should be able to bring her back to your world.

As for your son, when he does that turn around and walk away.  Its hard, but he is doing it for attention.  When the situation has calmed down a bit, then hand out the approperiate punishment.  For example, if he didn't clean his room, tell him he won't be going anywhere until his room is cleaned.  And stick to it!!  And be sure to remind him why he is getting this punishment.  He is 7, so as long as you are dishing out the punishment the smae day, he should be able to handle it.  Younger, adn they forget what they did. He he starts laughing or throwing a fit, walk away again.  He LOVES it when you start getting madder and madder.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

I get the same way when I read - please don't take it personal...  We aren't trying to ignore people we are just engrossed in reading!  If she is flat out ignoring you, take the book away and give it back when she is done with whatever you are trying to get her to do or listen to you about.

I am not sure how to advise about your son..  Maybe he is laughing because he is nervous..  Just discipline him the way you would your daughter - taking away privileges or time outs in his room, taking away whatever he likes...  Tell him you are sorry you think it is funny, but such and such is inappropriate, there are consequences and follow through with it.  You get even more mad and apparently he doesn't feel you are serious.  good luck

Answer 7

Your daughter is getting so caught up in the book that she may not even realize you are trying to get her attention. I know. I am the same way. When I was a kid my mother yelled to us all to get out of the house, it was on fire. Everyone but me ran out. I finished the page I was reading first. Even after she got my attention verbally the seriousness of it all didn't register. Fortunately I was right by a door and it was an oven fire that put itself out. As an adult I still have the same problem. People talking to me just don't even register when I'm totally caught up in doing something.

Yelling isn't going to work. Its not something she does intentionally. You will have better luck touching her shoulder and talking in a soft voice. What happens is that she hyper focuses. Its complicated to understand but her brain shuts down to outside stimuli.

The other side of the coin is that she probably has a very hard time getting her mind to wrap around things that don't interest her. She can struggle to understand and pay attention but it will be very difficult. If you don't see that now, please watch her. Many bright kids don't seem to struggle until they reach jr high. Some people have gotten into adulthood before it manifests.

Does she do that? If so, you may want to have her tested for ADHD  (I'm thinking she may be ADHD-inattentive) at some point to be sure it isn't that. Many girls go undiagnosed because their symptoms are so different from what most people think ADHD is. Its a neurological disorder which interrupts the flow of information in the brain. Its nothing to be embarrassed about but the difference between knowing for sure and not knowing can be huge. There are so many things that can be done to help someone with any form of ADHD now, many have nothing to do with medication.

I could be wrong but since I'm an administrator on a site for neurological disabilities which affect learning, red flags pop up easily for me and since I know nothing other than what you have stated, I'm going on what little I know. www.adhdandldsupport.com

It sounds like your son would benefit more from time out. Rather than yelling and arguing and letting him control you, which is what he is doing when you get upset, send him to time out. Sit down with him when things are calm and tell him this is the way its going to be. Tell him where he will go for time out and that he will stay there 1 minute for every year of his age, which is 7 minutes. If he is quiet and will behave, then he can come out. If he is acting up there, he gets longer until he decides to comply.

Its amazing that our kids can be the greatest source of frustration for us and create so much stress and hard work but are also the best things that every happened to us, isn't it!

Answer 8

Next time they need you I would ignore them (unless it's an emergency). Maybe tomorrow instead of fixing dinner you could lay down on the couch and watch some tv. When they ask you when your fixing dinner, ignore them. Let it go on long enough to make a point, and then talk to them about how they have been ignoring you. Hopefully this works!  

Answer 9

You are SO blessed that your daughter does this with books - mine does it with the TV! LOL

Just walk up to her and say her name, then what you want her to do. If she still ignores you, take the book out of her hands, put it down open on the page she was up to, look her straight in the eyes and then repeat what you said.  Problem solved!

Your son knows if he laughs you are going to get more angry - so try to stay calm when he does this.  Stop talking and wait for him to finish then say "Have you finished?" and continue with what you were saying. Remain calm - he'll know you mean business then!   I was always petrified of my mum when she used her calm voice! LOL  I knew she was deadly serious!!!! haha    

Keep strong eye contact with him and make sure your posture is strong as you speak - all the body language helps to reinforce what you are saying, and gives the impression of being absolutely serious.  If he continues to laugh, frogmarch him to his room and tell him he is welcome to come back out when he is ready to listen to you without laughing.  You really need to take charge and show him that you won't tolerate his belittling you with laughter.

Best of luck :)

Answer 10

it's called respect and it's something your children don't have for you. make them listen. if you can't do this now, you'll have no control in ten years. if any of my children ignored me or laughed at me in your situation, i'd beat their butts.

Answer 11

I LIKE KIDS LIKE THAT CAUSE I LOVE TO GET THEIR ATTENTION LOL!!! TRY THIS WHAT EVER THEY ARE DOING ULTIMATELY YOU HAVE CONTROL OF IT LIKE I TELL MY KIDS (17 AND 9) EVERY THING YOU HAVE I BUY SO THEREFORE IT BELONGS TO ME THE BOOK WOULD GET TAKEN AWAY AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT THEY DESIRE UNTIL THEY LEARN TO RESPECT YOU AND GIVE  YOU THE ATTENTION YOU DESERVE AND THEY WOULD HAVE TO EARN IT BACK AND I WOULD NOT MAKE EASY FOR THEM TO DO LIKE CHORES LAUNDRY ETC... AND THE NEXT YOU TALK TO THEM ALL I EYES WOULD BE ON YOU AND ANOTHER TRICK IS TO LOWER YOUR TONE TO A WHISPER SO THAT IT FORCES THEM TO HEAR YOU THEY HAVE BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO HEARING YOU YELL SO MUCH THAT THEY CAN'T DECIDE WETHER YOUR SERIOUS OR NOT THAT FAVORITE SNACK THAT FAVORITE TV SHOW OR EVEN TV TIME WOULD REMOVED FROM THEIR LIFE AND THEY WOULD MADE TO STUDY OR DO SOMETHING OF YOUR LIKING GOOD LUCK

Answer 12

I was the same way with books when I was younger. I also know how my mother felt about me ignoring her. It really is hard. You just wanna finish that line and it gets intense and you zone out. However, I now have horrible vision because of being glued to my books without breaks. My eye Dr says you should take a break every hour to focus on something at a different distant to prevent so much eye damage. Let you daughter know it is for her safety and you care about her health.Interrupt her every once in a while to refocus her eyes and through in your little extras you wanted to take to her about. I like the idea of ignoring them for a little bit. The only problem is you can't make both kids suffer if only one is acting up. As for your laughing boy. Watch nanny 911 or supernanny. Parents have this trouble all the time and it's dealt with in almost every episode.

Answer 13

I have two kids too, but they are a little younger then yours.

With your son: I do it to my kids and it works. My son LOVES to do stuff like that too. Everything is a joke... I tell him that next time he'll ask me for something I will be laughing in his face too. Then I calmly turn around and leave. I think after you actually ignore them couple of times and follow through with your scare tactics -- it will eventually kick in that you are not kidding.

With your daughter: that one is a little tougher because she is really not doing anything terrible. She's just in her own world.

You can make reading a book a reward for doing something that you need her to do. So sometimes, at breakfast or sometime when she is not reading, you got to make a deal with her and put together a schedule. When she fulfills her list of chores, then she can be rewarded with whatever agreeable amount of reading hours.

Hope it works   :)  

Answer 14

If you ever get an answer for this one..please let ME know. My 11y/o son is the same as your daughter. An avid reader with the peripheral awareness of a zombie. Totally tuned out to the world. I have tried everything. (Btw..I was the same way as a kid..and grew out of it, but I am STILL frustrated!!)

Good luck!