A Good Reason To Have A Relationship With Someone Who Is Married?

Question

DON'T JUDGE.

Is there ever a good justifiable reason to be in a relationship with someone who is married? What if you had a child with this person? Is it justified if you are not deliberately causing problems in the other's marriage? You keep a low profile, don't make waves, etc. Forget about your preconceived ideas and notions, put yourself in my shoes and answer from the heart. Please. Thank you. I am a female. We have an 11 year old son together, and while he does not have children with his wife, I don't think for a minute he will leave her either, basically because "it's what he's used to"....you know the drill.

PLEASE SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY. I NEED OBJECTIVE VIEWPOINTS. MATURE VIEWPOINTS. PERHAPS YOU'VE BEEN THERE?

Answer 1

no good reason

pre conceived notions are usually correct

even if you had a child with him it doers not change the matter

the child loses in all of this

denied a true father and family out of your selfish behavoir

it's easy to try to justify your action

easier yet still to play the victim by saying he strayed

but neither of those statements ring true much less matter

only your actions matter ,not his

either you were to lazy to find an unattached man.. or one who you felt men would reject you outright for unknown reasons

or you like to have what you cannot have and be, for insecurity reasons, so it easier to go for a married man where you do not have to prove your worth towards him, verses single men who you do

Answer 2

No Good Reason for doing this.  Been there done this myself.  Truth is you are only hurting yourself.  Stillfurther, for someone who is married to participate in this type of situation is just totally wrong.

Answer 3

No good reason.  You're only hurting yourself.

Answer 4

Love and obligation are funny things,, They can make you do the stupidest things but at the same time make you feel that you are right in what you are doing..   I have been in a long term relationship with a woman and we were both married to someone else at the same time..  I did in fact care very much for this woman.  I even keep in touch with all intentions of leaving my wife for her... But it didn't work out, and all I got out of it was a broken heart and ended up staying with my wife because I was obligated too.. She(my wife) Left me cause I wasn't making enough money so she could buy jewelry and other things...  It doesn't matter what the reasons or justifications you use to keep this relationship going it will end in disaster, if not for you , for your son,,

   I can not give you an answer nor will I try. I can tell you that I know how you feel.       Just remember you son is learning from, not from what you tell him , but what you are actually doing and how you handle situations, He is learning by watching,,,, So good luck and hope you make the right decision    

Answer 5

You want  people to justify that you are doing the right thing.  Child or no child It's morally wrong.  You are what they call a home wrecker.  I know that sounds bad but what I think you need is someone to be right to the point.  How can you be happy with this situation?  Don't you want a real husband to love and be home with you and to be your best friend?  

Answer 6

I have a child with another man other than my husband and that other man tries to sleep with me STILL after all this time and he's married as well. Yes it is cheating and no I would never do that. Your ex is married and you are being disrespectful to her and he's just getting a side piece of out you because you are letting him. Imagine what your son must feel about all of this, he may catch you guys and then what.  

Answer 7

NO!!!! there is no justifiable reason to be in a relationship with someone who is married.  Was he married when you had the child? If so, he was cheating on her. The fact that a child is involved makes it harder. If you want to settle for this well that's you. But what are the 2 of you teaching your son. You could have made a respectable life for your self and your son but chose  to stay there so he could have "what he's used to". You ask, Is it justified if you are not deliberately causing problems in the others marriage? Why don't you ask his wife  if it's causing her problems. I still thinking its cheating and you deserve what you get, so does this man. The one I feel for is the child. He will be the one hurt when push comes to shove.  

Answer 8

There's really no good reason.

Maybe you have low self-esteem, and don't think you deserve a decent, loving man who will love only you.

Maybe you're afraid of commitment.

Maybe you're fooling yourself into thinking that you are something to him other than an easy, familiar piece of tail.

I'm interested to know how you could think you are not(deliberately) causing problems in his marriage. He is certainly not telling his wife about you - so he's lying. He's also cheating on her.

It's hard to fool yourself for too long, but you seem to be doing a good job of it. I wouldn't suggest that you look for others to make excuses for you - for your child's sake and for yours - stop sleeping with this man and find someone to actually BE in a relationship with. What you are in is not a relationship, it's a farce.

Answer 9

Don't judge?

Life is about judging. From what time you wake up, to which batch of bananas you pick at the store.  

It is every mature responsible adults responsibilty to judge.

Relationship?

It seems like your definition of "relationship" in this specific matter includes sexual.  And therefore YES, it is wrong.

What kind of values are trying to instill in your young child?

Instead of providing you with reasonable and rational reasons as to why it is wrong, I will provide you with questions you can ask yourself, and better relate:

Is it wrong to kill rabbits with a lawn mower, even though you used to?

Is it wrong to steal milk from the store, even though you have a job, or the store can afford it?

Is it wrong to have 3 different girlfriends and with 2 of them have 1 child each?

Is it wrong to still live with your parents, even though you are 33 years old?

Is it wrong to have your parents make your monthly car payment on your H2 Hummer, and pay the gas bill, just because they used to when you were in high school?

Grow up. Start being mature.  Respect that you and him share a child together, and behave responsible, and respect that he has MOVED ON, and is married to some one and NOT YOU.

If you really want to be in a sexually relationship with him, move in with him and his wife, and the 3 of you can have a nice little life together  

Answer 10

I honestly can't think of any good reason to have a sexual relationship outside of your marriage &/or with someone who is married. Marriage is all about commitment to your partner as a couple, and once you break that commitment you have cheapened the marriage to the point where it isn't a marriage any more, it's two housemates who share the same bed. Or like blending cheap "pot" metal (mixed scrap metal) with gold, you may have more mass than you had when you started, but overall it's a mass of cheap unworkable material that tarnishes, rusts, and doesn't hold up under stress. In my mind, that's not a marriage, it's a tragedy.

I'm sorry if that's not what you were hoping to hear, but it is how I feel. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 11

Well, if you love him thats one reason but if he doesn't love you enough to leave then thats a reason not to. Look, I know people get married and then realize after meshing their lives together that they are not in love with that person and thats why they have long-term affairs not, flings. It is up to you whether you think you can accept always being the other woman. Think about whether you can move on from him and possibly find love with someone who will give you all of him.  

Answer 12

Well, when a married man lies to his wife, which is in fact what is going on in this case, he is at some point lying to you too. Not verbally lying, but emotionally lying to you. You´re not causing problems because she doesn´t know about you I suppose. But you do have to realize that your situation is just not the right one for your son, I´m not judging you, you met this man, fell in love and your son was born, but the truth is you now have to think and plan for your future and your son´s. As your son´s father, this man you´re involved with should respond and it is his reponsability to do so, but don´t expect much than money. And without trying to be judging, I only advice to you to search for real and truthful happiness because you deserve it and your son does too. A child needs to have loving parents and a stable home. It´s the best way to raise a child, even if you´re a single mother.

This man is married and nothing will change that, unless his wife finds out and decides to leave him, but not even that guarantees that he will come to you. Just the fact of her finding out will give him the reaction of denying you and beg for forgiveness. Either way things go, whether this relationship goes on for another decade, all you´ll recieve is just a little piece of the pie and worst, your son less than that.

No one should ever have to deny their relationship and not being able to enjoy a man and his son as a family, like everybody else. This all relies on what you decide and your son is in your hands. As well as your happiness.

Answer 13

I don't see anything wrong with keeping some kind of relationship with this man, who is the father of your son.  But a question; does she know about you, and your son?  I am guessing she does not know.  The other question is, what exactly is the relationship you have with him? Is it only talking or e-mailing about your son, every so often?  Or, is it more than that?  If you are asking about a physical relationship where you are seeing this man behind her back, then no, it is not justified, even if you have a child together. You sound like maybe you wouldn't want to marry him, as you are keeping a low profile and are keeping things secretive.  Still, it's going behind her back.  He should be honest with himself and her and if it's you he really wants, he should do something about it and divorce her, even if she's what he's used to.  

Here's another way of looking at your situation; right now, he has the best of both worlds. You are perfectly happy seeing him on the side, and he's got her there for security, and you for a sexual relationship.  But you could be wasting time on this man, rather than find someone else who would love to be a father to your son.    

Answer 14

There is never a good reason to be with a married person.  Ask yourself why he married this other woman and not you?  You may still have feelings for you, but you will always be the other woman and just in case you don't know....KARMA is a "you know what".  Stop letting this man have the best of both worlds and sever your relationship except for being good parents.  You deserve more and it's not good for your son to see daddy and mommy playing house when he knows he has another woman.  You're both teaching him that it's ok to be unfaithful.  Not good!

Answer 15

At face value, the situation you're in is bad.

If he's not happy with her but he's sticking with her because he's "used to it" then he's using both of you, and you're knowingly being a part of it.  Ask yourself if you feel comfortable or okay doing it; it doesn't seem you do since you're asking strangers if they can think of a reason for it to be okay.

If you have a connection to one another through a kid it can be tough to break it off but it's the healthiest thing for everyone to do.  Obviously, it didn't work out between you or you'd be together... so I can't really see a reason that this is a healthy, or okay situation.

Answer 16

you don't have to live with them, do their laundry, clean up after them, cook them food, honey i could go on forever.......but all and all it's immoral.

Answer 17

It's time for you to move on.  He is never going to divorce and marry you - if he does get a divorce he will marry someone else.  I hope he has been paying you child support - he was obligated.  When you son goes to college, needs a car, etc. etc. is he going to help pay?  Sorry but except for your son you have gotten very little out of giving up 11 years of your life.  You will grow old by yourself if you don't move on and eventually find someone else.  He isn't even half a loaf (sometimes that's not better than none)

Answer 18

The only factor is that you are both human beings..marriage has nothing to do with it.