A Hard Decision To Make On Delivery Room Guests. ?

Question

I am about 5 months pregnant and today I had a discussion with my mother and my grandmother about who should be in the delivery room with me. I told them that I only wanted my husband with me because it is our special moment and plus I dont really want people looking at my privates down there...It caused an argument and now I feel so much shame and guilt because a part of me wants to include them in that, but then I feel like if I say no, then I am being mean...I know its my delivery and all but I just feel like c**p. Plus my grandma was like, "Well, if I cant be in the room dont even call me when the baby is born...!" The thought of having people in there who havent seen my "areas" since I was in diapers gives me the creeps...I need help. Should I feel guilty or should I just stick to my answer and say NO! I dont care if they are there for the rest of my children, but not my first...Ugh...So many headaches.

Answer 1

It is your personal decision and they shouldnt get upset at you about it, especially bc upsetting you only upsets the baby and I know they don't want to do that! But, honesltly though, your going to be in so much pain, and sweating and yelling that you will not even know what's going on outside of yurself. You will be concentrating on your breathing and pushing and things like that that it probably won't even matter by then, so it's nothing to get worked up over.  To be honest with you I didn't wany anyone in there with me either, but I think everyone was, even my mother-in laws (yes I have 2!) And it was all okay, all we were worried about was getting that baby out safely and hearing him cry and the nurse say " 10 fingers 10 toes, perfect" and I';m sure thats all u will be worried about too!

Answer 2

I am so sorry that your family is putting you through this! It is YOUR decision as to who you want in the delivery room. I only wanted my husband with me, and will do the same again for this pregnancy. Most women I know only have their husbands with them. Your mom and grandma have no right to get mad at you over this. Tell them that this is you and your husband's first child, and you are going to do what the two of you want to do. This is not their child. And in response to your grandma's comment, I would just say "fine". Because, as a outsider looking in, she sounds so ridiculous. And once your baby's born, she's going to forget what she said and rush to the hospital. They will get over it, so don't cave in for them. Do what you want to do!

Answer 3

First of all, your mom and grandma have given birth and have lived a long time. They won't be the least bit concerned about your private parts. I understand you wanting only you and your husband in the delivery room though and your parents should understand that too. It is very immature for your grandma to say "well don't call me when the baby's born if I can't be in the delivery room". They should understand. Stick to your guns if that's the way you want it. They will come around and they will love the child to pieces.  

Answer 4

If you really really dont want anyone else in there then don't have them but i know when my cousin had first baby she was the same way but last minute had her mom and our grandmaw in there and she loved it because she knew they had gone through it before. Its wonderful having your husband in there because it is the special moment for the two of you but also a great thing for them to be in there too... if you really feel uncomfortable during labor tell them to get out ... and then blame it on hormones drugs and pain later to laugh about it :)  

Answer 5

I disagree with the first answer! I TOTALLY cared who was in the room!! Thats a personal time and personal things exposed and I wouldnt want the world to see it!

DON'T give in! If your grandmother is going to be nasty like that then just be nasty right back. Is HER loss if she doesn't see her new great grandbaby!  My husband and I didn't even let anybody come to the hospital when I was delivering! We didn't invite any visitors until we were both cleaned up and had some bonding with our baby! I think it was about 4 hours after his birth that the first people came. Trust me....you will regret it if you let people there you don't want! This is a special experience for you, your husband and your baby! Enjoy it and forget what others think. You are an adult and if you don't want to be pushed around for the rest of your life you need to stand up now!! Good Luck hun!

Answer 6

Is your delivery, so is your decision! Don't feel guilty if you just want your husband to be there is fine. At the moment of labor your not gonna even pay attention to who's around or not! Just relax your grandma is just being silly by saying that. when that baby gets to this world.. I bet she is going to be the first one there.. =) Trust me!

Just relax you still got 4 more months to go. Don't stress about that. wait for the moment to come.

good luck & wish you all the best!

Answer 7

When you in labor you don't care whose in the room! My mom was a great help when i delivered my first 2 children she held my leg up and the father held the other one so I could push. If they are going to be there they don't have to stand by your whoooo haaaaa you could have them up by your head like I did with my sisters and my best friend! Hope this helps. Good Luck!

Answer 8

There is too much going on to have a whole cast in the room with you.  Just have your hubby because if you let one other in - where do you draw the line.

Matter of fact - don't call them until the baby is out - or if they are all thee waiting - all you want to do is sleep and hold your baby and instead you have a party.

Answer 9

I think it's up to you who you want in the room. But, I also agree that anyone that's in there with you won't care if your "private areas" are exposed. They are just wanting to share the experience with you. If you feel uncomfortable, then just tell them to wait until the birth and then they can hold the baby.

Answer 10

Me my mom and my older sister were all in the room when my younger sister had her 1st child and when your going thru that experience no one cares about seeing your area they only wanna see the baby and it was an experience I wouldn't take back for the world I also cut my niece's cord and we have the closest relationship out of all my niece's and nephews. I am due in March and I really want my sister in the room with me

Answer 11

Do whatever feels best for you. Where I live, (Leicester, UK) you are only allowed 2 people anyway, I had my mom and my now-husband with my first baby, my hubby was not pleased about my decision but has told me since he was glad that my mom was there, as he didn't realise how hard it would be for him that I was in pain and he couldn't do anything about it.

I would never have dreamed of having my Grandma there! I just wanted my mom there so I could be with someone who had been through it before. I made my mom AND my hubby stay near my head anyway.

I didn't make my decision til I was about 8 months, before that I said I didn't want ANYONE there! That caused some rows with the OH!

Do what you want to do, they will come around. Probably before the baby even comes!!!

Answer 12

do what you want.  they are acting a bit childish/selfish in my opinion.  if you'd rather just have your hubby there with you, then there's your answer.  there's no need for anyone else to be there, and i'm sure they'll get over it as soon as that little baby is finally there.  don't bow to the pressure!  be strong! :)

Answer 13

My husband and I had the same issue. However, we made the decision that it would be the two of us...and that's it. We simply explained to everyone that they all could not be in there and to be fair to everyone involved, it was just going to be us. They may not like the answer now but they will come to understand and respect your decision. I hope this helps and I hope everything works out for you.

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 14

You, your husband, and the medical staff.

No one else needs to be there.  This is not some social event.  All other people need to butt out!

Answer 15

It will just be my husband and I in the room...as for your grandmother saying don't call her when the baby is born if she cant be in the room, if she is really going to be that mean and bitter she doesn't deserve to share the birth of your child with you and your husband regardless. If you are not comfortable with it don't do it. Each birth is a special and supposed to be joyous occasion. Don't let what others think make you stressed. I am sure you have other things to worry about

Answer 16

it should just be you and your partner. otherwise its unfair on his family too. lucky you to still have your mum and grandma. i only wish i could argue with my mum she pasted away last sept from a 4 month battle with cancer. i wish that was the only headache i have my mum will NEVER see my baby girl.

Answer 17

Okay this is a huge pet peeve of mine! How DARE your grandma say that to you. It is completely up to you about who you want in the delivery room with you. Don't you let anybody try and make you do something you don't want to. If it makes you uncomfortable then just tell them NO! And if your selfish and quite rude grandma tells you not to bother to call her when the baby is born, then politely say "Okay Grandma, if thats what you want, we won't call." That will get her thinking twice! You are the one who is having this baby, its your childbirth experience, and you should be able to enjoy it. I think your family sounds so rude to tell you what they did. I don't blame you for not wanting them in the room with you. I'm not even having my husband come in with me ( because I've heard you do alot of embarrassing stuff while you a re pushing) and he is fine with it. If you decide to let them in the room you could tell them they must stay up by your head, but I don't think you should have to compromise with them. Good Luck and I hope you have wonderful delivery.

Answer 18

I think its totally up to you whom you have in there. I did have my partner and mother with my first as I thought it was fair to bring mum is as she offered so much support with me growing up. My MIL wanted to be there, but I did say no to that. Plus seriously hun, you will need your mum :) Most of us I could say did. Nothing beats a mothers soothing touch

Answer 19

Don't feel guilty!  They had that decision when it was their time, now it's your turn to have things the way you want them.  I personally had only my baby's father and my mom in with me when the time came.  I'm not normally that comfortable with my mom, but when I was pregnant and could compare things with her it made things easier, and plus I thought it may help since she's been thru it before and would know what to expect and how to help out.  I'm not close with any other family members like grandparents or anything (they live far away), so I didn't really have to worry about it.  The only time I got nervous was when I was getting ready to deliver, and my bf's family was all in my room.  I was thinking to myself "I hope they don't think they're staying!"  But I was surely ready to throw them out if need be, I wasn't close enough in that way to have them as an audience, thank you!  Luckily, they must've had the common sense to know when it was time for them to wait outside the room, cuz they did on their own so I didn't end up having to worry about it.  That's one thing you're gonna be dealing with when you're a mom anyway.  You may have one opinion on the way you want things done, and of course other people will have different opinions and act like you are in the wrong.  Get used to making up your mind for yourself, after considering different options of course, and just tell people the way it's gonna be.  No ifs, ands, or buts.  End of story.  It's hard at first, especially when you're shy to begin with like me, but it does get easier!

Answer 20

If all you are seriously worried about is people seeing your genital area then get over yourself!   When you are in labour you WILL NOT CARE LESS.  Trust me.  You will be so focused on your own body world war 3 could be going on in the room and your body and your baby will be the centre of the universe as far as you are concerned.

Having said that however this is YOUR baby and YOUR pregnancy, and it is selfish in the extreme for anyone, no matter who they are, to demand that you have them present when you are having your baby.

If all else fails just tell them that it your hospital's policy to only allow the father or labour coach into the room, and they will not be allowed in no matter what they want.

Answer 21

We were lucky in that my inlaws and parents respected our wishes.  You grandmother is being extremely selfish and you shouldn't allow her or your mother to guilt you into agreeing to something you don't want.

They can always wait in the waiting room and visit you during early labor (but transistion is not a good idea to have visitors).  If they don't like that idea give them the choice between being in another room or calling them after the baby is born.  Make it between two choices so that they can't barge in on your plans.

Answer 22

I think that is really selfish of you grandmother to say that she doesn't even want to know when the baby is born if she doesn't get her way.  That is really childish.  If you don't want anyone in the room with you except for your husband while you are giving birth then you shouldn't!  Don't let them guilt you into doing something you don't want to do or something you aren't comfortable with.  It's not right for them to try to push you into it.  

Trust me once the baby is born your grandmother will change her tune and want to be the first person to hold the baby.

Answer 23

Your grandma has been there and done it before, it's pretty baby-ish of her to say what she did. Just retaliate with a simple "ok then"

You are NOT being mean for only wanting your husband there, I don't want my family seeing my 'bits' either, and trust me, they have let me know they wouldn't want to be in there anyway!

You grandma is being selfish, it's your special day, your baby, so tell her to quit her whining!

Answer 24

That is terribly selfish of them. I understand only wanting your husband, I feel the same. No one is allowed to see me or come in until that baby is out. They should be more understanding, and I bet once your little one is born there will be no keeping them away. I would stick with what feels right to you and your husband of course.

Answer 25

I wanted the same for my first, only my husband.  When my second was born my Mother was there when it was time to push, and offered to leave the room.  I told her it was up to her.  Now that I see what a special moment it was for her to see my second born, I wish that I had let her in the room with my first.  She burst into tears, she still tells everyone what a phenomenal moment it was for her, and my daughter is almost 6.  She was also a GREAT help to me while in labor.  As your Mom and Grandma have been through this before, they may possibly be some help to you.  Your husband can be supportive, but there's nothing like experience to help you out.  Perhaps tell them that you're fine with them being there for delivery and for a few minutes after wards, but that after that you'd like some quiet time with just you, hubby and baby.  All of this being said, if you REALLY don't want them there, then tell them they can come in right after, but you want to share this with just your husband and that if they don't understand, you're sorry, but it's your delivery and you want it a certain way.  Good luck!!