A Match made in Heaven?? Can you include these lines in a LOVE story??

Question

1) He's as rich as Rockefeller and as________.

2) What's wrong with my Spam and Velveeta casserole?

3) May I present Lars Worthington the Third!

4) QUICK!! Get him a______.

5) I feel a case of the vapors coming on!!

6) Ice Box Stew or Puree of Possum?

7) Will you kindly pass the_______?

8) They say love is blind.....

Answer 1

They say love is blind.

They're wrong. Love has no taste whatsoever.

I had been chosen to judge the latest Iron Chef competition, worse luck. The finalists were all women. Beautiful, talented women---at everything but cooking.

The announcer, Johnny, cued my entrance on stage. "Gourmets and gourmands, may I present Lars Worthington the Third! He's as rich as Rockefeller and oysters combined. He's our judge for tonight, let's see what our challengers can whip up for him tonight!"

I took my seat on the ermine-covered kitchen stool, and prepared myself to sample...

Oh...My...God....

--What's wrong with my Spam and Velveeta cassarole, honey?--

"It's---it's moving...."

--QUICK! Get him a Pepto-Bismol", one of the stagehands shouted--

We had a quick commercial.

The next contestant presented me with a choice:

---Ice Box Stew or Puree of Possum?---

"...ulp..." I commented.

--Well, shoot, honey, you didn't even try the varmint sauce! Honestly, I feel a case of the vapors coming on!-- and she was gone trailing several of her vapors behind, which called for another commercial and a brief airing of the studio.

Regaining my composure, I smiled weakly at the last contestant--and then my jaw dropped in amazement. It was Wanda Foonman, my junior high-school crush---all grown up now, but still with the same lopsided shy grin that had entranced me so long ago. She held up a plastic sack with a familiar shape. My heart trembled...

"Lars, you ol' richkid, I brought you your favorite: KFC 12=piece bucket, taters and gravy, biscuits, cobbettes and double up on the coleslaw!"

I fell on my knees before her and proposed immediately. She accepted, and we left the studio, leaving the show to the chaos it so richly deserved.

       Wanda and I settled on a nearby hilltop, and as the sun went down, we shared kisses and margarine packets.

        We sighed happily, and I whispered, "Will you kindly pass me a moist towelette?"

         --Any time you whisper in my ear.- she murmured....

Answer 2

Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1875

"God! I'm Getting Turned-On"

Conversation between Sunshine and one of her pals:

(As they sat by the lake on Sunshine's farm.)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnsam/798...

"But Sunshine. 1) He's as rich as Rockefeller and as charming as the day is long."

Sunshine took a bite of her lunch before replying."Yuk!"

"Hey! 2) What's wrong with my Spam and Velveeta casserole?"

"Listen up, Elaine. You KNOW I hate all this cheese without a little hotfudge on the side."

Elaine laughed . "Alright! Alright! Now what about Lars Worthington the Third? Don't you want a man with lots of money and charm?"

"What planet have you BEEN ON these past two years?!!!

I'm with MATT DILLON....The dearest,kindest, SEXIEST man ON EARTH!!!"

"s**y, eh?"

The two women looked up.

"Ohhhhh, Sunshine. 3) May I present Lars Worthington the Third!" Elaine giggled.

Sunshine extended her hand. "Nice to meet ya, Lars. You wouldn't happen to want some of this casserole , would ya? I was about to feed it to the hogs."

Before Lars had a chance to respond, a bare-assed Matt came running past them and dove into the water.

Lars yelled:"4) QUICK!! Get him a bathing suit!"

Sunshine stared at him: "Are you CRAZY?!" as she undressed to her knickers and swam over to Matt.

Elaine rummaged through her purse for some pills. "5) I feel a case of the vapors coming on!!"

Lars, with eyes firmly shut, was stunned. "Uhhhhh....Elaine? 7) Will you kindly pass the pills?!"

Matt and Sunshine froliced in the water like a couple of sea otters, oblivious to the two on the shore sharing a bottle of pills.

Lars stood up and helped a wobbly Elaine to her feet, as well.

"Hmmmm. 8) They say love is blind.....but in THEIR case....Love is crazy!"

Elaine smiled. " Lars....For heaven's sake!......OPEN YOUR EYES. Being in love is a natural, or in THEIR case" (she grinned)" UN natural state of being. (God! I'm getting turned on," she mumbled to herself. ")

She eyed the tall Scandinavian . "Uhhhhh, Lars?

Wanna come home with me and have some ............lunch? Hmmmmmm? Nudge,nudge, wink,wink! "

Lars nodded his head rapidly. "Sure!  Say! Elaine..... do you happen to know how to make 6) Ice Box Stew or Puree of Possum? I'm starved!"

Elaine dropped her head and rummaged for some more pills.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Elaine...... http://www.flickr.com/photos/drawingmoni...

Lars ...... http://www.flickr.com/photos/sebagudelo/...

Matt and his Sunshine....... http://www.flickr.com/photos/amnwr/13525...

Answer 3

THEY SAY LOVE IS BLIND but I prefer to say it has twenty twenty vision BUT sometimes being blind may help.  I remember when I first met my "true" love at the society event of the year, The Cotillion Ball.  I had wrangled a invitation by lying, pleading and any other method I could use short of using a gun and hostage.  I moraged my car and cashed in my life insurance policy to buy my gown and accesseries

The big event was  awe inspiring to say the least..  The food was such that I couldn't even pronouce the names.  I wondered if any of those fancy named dishes were ICE BOX STEW OR PUREE OF POSSUM?  Any way, they were nothing like my home cooked specialty.  WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SPAM AND VELVEETA CASSEROLE?  It's very delicios and inexpensive to make.

Then, the doorman announced a new arrival.  "MAY I PRESENT LARS WORTHINGTON THE THIRD!"

My mind went into over-drive.  "HE'S AS RICH AS ROCKEFELLER AND AS cute as Howdy Doody," I thought to myself.  "Mmmmm, this could be the beginning of something momentous," I continued to muse.  Then, "QUICK!! GET HIM A drink!  A fancy sandwich!  Anything!  But grab his attention and hang on!!"

I strolled over to him with a slight sway of my hips and a smile on my face.  "Pardon me but WILL YOU KINDLY PASS THE smelling salts?," I asked prettily up at him.  "It's so stuffy in here and I FEEL A CASE OF THE VAPORS COMING ON!!," I added pressing the back of my hand against my brow..

"Of course," he smiled back.  "Allow me to escort you out on the viranda where it's cooler.

We've now been married these past 10 years and have a little Lars Worthington the fourth  running around.  So what if money was the root of our romance it has grown into a real love affair.