A New Poem By Me - Help?

Question

I wrote this fairly quickly. It's probably not perfect. Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

Things Left Unsaid

You know no situation,

at the current time.

You know no ability,

until the point of crime.

You've set your soul free,

from all its past tortures.

You've left your heart trembeling,

with the fear and pain of rejection.

Sometimes its better left unsaid,

but this time it's needed.

Never let your heart fall,

from things left unsaid.

Your head is just a game.

Answer 1

The line, "You know no ability until the point of crime," is very interesting to me; I like those first two lines.  You might reconsider the third and fourth lines because to me they don't meet the first two.

Your message become clear in the end, but I don't understand the repeat use of the word "unsaid" in the penultimate stanza.  I want to believe the subject would know how these unsaid things might save his/her heart but I can't get there.

Answer 2

I LOVE IT! i myself am a poet and love to hear others inspiration!

Answer 3

It is a good poem

-♥ Taylor ♥

Answer 4

Paige,

This is not poetry at all! It is the lyrics to a great hit song if there was more there to follow...  Grade  AAA

JUST A GAME

What the present situation?

You can be relentless

At the current time,

You don't have any emotion

Can't finish a sentence

Just to fit the crime

Will your soul gain any freedom?

Your mind is a still a soldier

With the need to fight,

Sitting polishing your weapon

You must gain composure

Let in a little light

Let in a little light

CHORUS

Something's better left unsaid

Get those thoughts out of your head

It's just a game

Something's better left untold

Turn your silence into gold

It's just a game

GUITAR SOLO

You left her heart trembling

Now she needs protection

From that voice she heard,

You you're lower than nothing

Feared by pain of rejection

When you gave your word

Will your soul gain any freedom?

Your mind is a still a soldier

With the need to fight,

Sitting polishing your weapon

You must gain composure

Let in a little light

Let in a little light

CHORUS

Something's better left unsaid

Get those thoughts out of your head

It's just a game

Something's better left untold

Turn your silence into gold

It's just a game....

Answer 5

its very good

reminds me of some dickenson classics mixed with henry thorough ...

i would say you have a good chance of being published ,

submit to the 'writersguild.com' for consideration ,

my girlfriend is a member longstanding and they publish new talent all the time

good luck

Answer 6

You need more style and rhythm I think but it's different types of poetry.

All and all not too bad keep it up because what your saying in this peace I get it that's also important

Answer 7

This is your poem, only you have the authority to decide what is good and bad about it.

My advice is: Read it aloud, listen to yourself. It should sound fluent an flowing. English is a flowing language so your poem should sound like that, to sound it's best. Test and adjust every word like a scientist on a important, expensive and intricate chemical experiment. Remember that you shouldn't lose the meaning, mood and theme of your poem. Your words and the sound of it should reflect all that.

Remember that YOU should like your poem in the end, because that is who you wrote it for.

Answer 8

its A-W-S-O-M-E I L-O-V-E IT I SANG

IT AND ADDED MUSIC IT WAS A H-I-T

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3 <3 <3 <3

Answer 9

Its good but the poem kind of scared me!!