A New Poem...Please read and Comment?

Question

Lowered eyelids-shields against the brilliant sun-

Protect the eyes in fear of blinding by eclipse,

But conceal the incarnation of the other one-

The sun of another world reflected in the scripts

Given to the sky painter of wine and fire,

And the lyrics given to an angel choir.

The other world is seen in unacknowledged glimpse

Or with the lidless eyes of one insane

Or in the eyes of shadowed innocence

(The searching eyes of my child in the rain)

Whose private phantoms tilt and jeer at night

When suns from neither world illuminate her plight.

Answer 1

Your words are powerful,AMY.  I just love this poem.  It makes the reader stop and think.  Each word,Each syllable carries a strong force of passion and revelation.  You talk about the sun and the sky,The world in a way that may never have been seen before.  If I may ponder where you get your ideas from?  I've never been so moved by a poem before.  This poem not only moves me but it sends me to a far-off place that I've only reached in my dreams.  You have a gift,My dear.  A wonderful gift of being able to create inspiration through your words.  I may have to leave this moment,But I would hate to leave without asking if you would give me the honor of being your friend.  Your friendship would mean alot to me.  I've been searching for someone that could challenge my intellect.  And tonight,Have you not only challenged it,But you have totally literally stifled it.  I hope this has helped you some.  If not,I would like to attempt to try again.  The name is David and it is extremely a pleasure to meet someone as cultivating as you.  I wish you the best on this night as well as many others following it.  Have a goodnight and God bless.

Answer 2

i like this poem the rhymes r all in diff places so it makes it sound pretty cool

Answer 3

This may not be what was intended but... I see the Mother, Wisdom, Earth, Gaia, watching over her child and the road she is on. Intentionally not giving everything needed yo make it easy so that the child will grow...

There are so many other things I could find but I do not have the time!... I am so glad to see another AMY G masterpiece of spirit though... thank you for this...

Blessed Be, Siren

Answer 4

I like the apparently dry humour advocating reflex over oft-mocked safety advice, of the first two lines, quickly turned to the sharper paradox, `blinded by eclipse.'  The six-beat lines of the opening stanza, now swelling to thirteen syllables, glide over dominoes of metaphors: a sun reflected in words; words painted in wine and fire; and closed eyes unable to `see' the voice of an angel choir whose lyrics were painted upon the sky.  I am reminded of Blake's astonishing indictment of `parents...' who `...brought them forth & aged ignorance preaches canting,' like your guidelines for averting blindness, where `the youth of England' see an angel `on a vast rock, perceived by those senses that are clos’d from thought.'

Interestingly, the sound of the second stanza is far more subdued.  Where the first flooded its metrical banks with visions, the second is textbook iambic.  The first and last lines are alexandrines; the middle lines are of pure iambic pentameter.  Curiously this second stanza is about after-images, or images or speculations of images; it is hauntingly earth-bound.

This poem features a great many deviations from the classic Venus & Adonis stanza.  Although this is jarring to me, and personally made the poem slightly inaccessible at first, the many deviations seem to be well considered.  Yet, I must confess that as a reader I am likely unpredisposed ever to become wholly used to the effect.

(As a final  personal note on typography, I would find the first line easier to understand if the hyphens were rendered, say, as commas, at least when in plain-text form; I do understand you probably intended em-dashes.)

I took considerable pleasure in reading this poem; thank you for sharing it.

Answer 5

It's a good poem...

but, there are better parts of yourself to be illuminated.

Anyways, I look directly into the sun.... ann y kan ctill c mie purfekt spelinggness

Answer 6

i like it but i would write

Protect the eyes in fear of the blinding eclipse

but thats just me lol. i really like itXD

Answer 7

I am amazed anew by your poetic strength... I want more but will wait for however long it takes...

Answer 8

I have a flashback to one of your drawings with the lidless eyes.  Personalities contained in one?  This is one to ponder.

Answer 9

do not blind ones-self

with searching eyes

or of dreams to be

the song we sing

is but of words

of dis-may

her plight may be

of truth

but reality

may taste of her

taste of truth

so sleep now

sleep if you may

sleep upon

a garden of spring ____

just me.