A New Poem ( Wirtten By Nissim B), Any Thought?

Question

the seagulls signed your coming

the leaves were scattered, paving your way home

i was there, behind our oak, autumn's forthcoming

the branches get broken, symbolling the freedom

each winter is cooler than the last one

the blanket warms me but your hands did it better

it wasn't anticipated when everything has just begun

seasons effect on the atmosphere except the weather

the sky is empty of coulds, only an eternal dark

the sunlight was being dulled, nothing left clear

when mistakes put our devotion in a question mark

no wonder no one of us wants to exist here

Answer 1

This is the best line,,,

"  when mistakes put our devotion in a question mark  "

This I simply cannot seem to understand,,,

" the seagulls signed your coming "

This is confused tense,,,

" it wasn't anticipated when everything has just begun "

This is just pure confusion to me,,,

" no wonder no one of us wants to exist here "

I'm sure you know exactly what you are trying to say and where this is coming from.  As the reader of this, I am lost, not totally lost, but still more unsure than sure.  As the author you have failed to give me the direction we are traveling, as the guide you failed to navigate me around the trips and spills and as the pilot you failed to get me to your destination.

Don't give up, take the piece to your editing room and have a serious heart to heart talk with it, there is potential here.  Step outside yourself and view this as the reader, not the creator.

Answer 2

This was a really great poem.

heartfelt and just a lovely poem.

If you wanted to possibly publish it (which it is well worthy of)

http://www.authorsden.com/

can help you out!

Its for new stories, poems ect. and people can leave comments and suggestions for you.

Good Luck, and really lovely poem.

Answer 3

My thoughts - this needs punctuation - you know where each sentence ends etc. we don't - so, it is difficult to read and I had to keep backtracking to get the sense. The enjambment would work better if you did punctuate

The only signs seagulls leave is their poo, so this isn't a good image to start a love poem.

coulds - clouds - only an eternal dark/the sunlight was being dulled - hm, not sure what you mean here.

Any way, overall this shows promise.