A Poem - War - What do you think?

Question

Purple, silver, gold

Represent the red, white, and blue

Decimated knees

Reminder of eras long ago

Metal, shrapnel, scars

Share physical anatomy

Night terrors and sweat

Perceptible imprint of war

Answer 1

I do like the way you wrote this, although the subject is sad!  Cheers!

Answer 2

I like.  Not because of the theme but what you say. My critique would be to focus on the true scars, the memories that last.

Answer 3

I think this is great, and more could be added to the topic, and you could do it well. Kudos!

Answer 4

I like it. I would almost want you to go more minimal (just an opinion). Here's a possible example (something to think about not necessarily a rewrite suggestion):

Purple, silver, gold

Decimated reminder of eras past

Metal, shrapnel, scars

Night terrors and sweat

Perceptible imprint of war

I like the poem in any event.

Edit: You know Marguerite after I've read this a few more times I have a suggestion for your final line:

I really like the line but I wonder if starting the line with a "The" or a "This" might bring it out more.

Answer 5

"Hi!",

I love the imagery!

WELL DONE!

Cheers : )

Answer 6

The poem is simplistic in nature but at the same time very good.  I like it very much.  There are parts that I find a little confusing as the poem seems to drift between the past and the present, apart from that awesome.  Please post more.

Best Wishes

Answer 7

Resurrects old memories of fun times as well as horrible nightmares.  There is nothing glorious in war, and there are no true winners.  Everyone loses.  I love what you have written here, thank you.

Edit:

After reading Marco M's response, I have concluded that he should not answer questions he knows nothing about.  He is welcome to share some of my nightmares and then see what he knows about war.  Moral: I really hate stupid people who try to sound smart by putting someone else down, and especially when they are wrong.  So to Marco, who doesn't accept email, I say "BITE ME!"

A vet.

Answer 8

Many brilliant war poems were written from afar, one of my favourites being the lyrics to Forgotten Sons by Marillion and the folksong by Harvey Andrews (banned by the BBC to avoid further anti-Irish reprisals) simply entitled The Soldier.

Having spent ten years as a soldier I can honestly say the phrase 'War is h**l' is only part of it.

Answer 9

Medals are trophies worn outside

with pride,

scars are

the truth of the matter.

Excellent poem, beautiful statement.

Answer 10

Very visual and poignant.

One need not be an artist to appreciate great art, nor a warrior to suffer from the aftermath of war. Those of us who are not warriors suffer with our loved ones and with the strangers and their loved ones who have been devastated by war's insanity.

Answer 11

u could make sth much better, this is childish in some respect

Answer 12

I have the impression of someone writing about a subject she actually knows little about.  You are stringing together words which are merely associated with the subject, but which amount to no clear point.  I can't tell wheter you like or dislike war.  

I also wonder why some words are used -- "decimated" (which literally means killing one-in-ten), "preceptible," (which sounds scientific or clinical), "imprint," etc.  Any why "knees"?  People lose arms too.

If you HAVE to write a poem about war, try to decide what you're actually saying about it, then say it clearly in specific, but non-clinical language.  But personally, I'd rather read a poem about a subject which you actually know.

Answer 13

Modern warfare is very good at producing amputees, isn't it?

Answer 14

I think this is good ,,,,And I could see this being much more & much better then what t is,,,,,,,,,