A bad touch to a three year old?

Question

I have a home daycare, and recently took on a 4 year old boy who I knew was sexually molested by his father. He had behavior problems but we were finally making grounds and he was becoming better. I also have a three year old, she is mine. Tonight she was playing with her brother in the other room when she comes out to me and says mommy, Bobby put his finger in my butt. I said what, and she repeated it. I then got a baby with clothes and asked her to show me what happened on the baby. She turned the baby over and stuck her finger on the butt. I asked what she said and she said she told him to stop. Not wanting to prompt about if his hand was inside her panties or not I asked her to show me again. This time she turned around and showed me what he was doing with her hands down her pants, inside her underware. I am mortified. How could this happen to my kid, I called the mom and told her about this, and said the child will no longer be allowed in my house. Just once and as innocent as it could be its devistating to me. What should I do now? She wants to talk about it, so I let her and I don't ask direct questions, just how it makes her feel, and i make sure she knows that it was not ok. And that she should never touch anyone in their private areas because its not nice. I did tell her that it was great she told me and that made me happy that she would tell me, but I broke down in tears, thats my baby girl and how could another child do that?? So now she knows it hurt me because someone did that to her. Am I over reacting? What should I do?

Answer 1

i think you did a fine job of handling the situation. you didn't let the child see you were upset and asked the right questions. you also allowed the child to know that the boys actions were a "bad touch" and should not be repeated. When my child was 4 years old, a babysitter found her and another little girl in the closet l*****g each others b*****s. the babysitter sat the children down and talked to them about the situation. She also tape recorded the conversation so i could see how it was handled by her. In the recording, my daughter said the same behavior was done to her by another little boy. Of course, children are going to be courious at that age, but should also start being taught about "good touch-bad touch". the sooner a child learns about their body and healthy boundries, the better.

Answer 2

Hmm I don't think you're over reacting at all. If it were my child I would be just as hurt. No one ever ever wants that to happen to their child, regardless of who its committed by, it just isn't wanted. The other child was probably convinced that it was okay to do that by his father. That it was okay to touch other people in those spots.

I suppose the only thing you can really do is have your children away from him... Its so sad to hear that things like that ruin children...

Hopefully your little girl KNOWS that it isn't right.  

Answer 3

I think you are crazy to watch/babysit a child that you know was molested.

The kid is so small, that any type of inappropriate behavior to him is appropriate, and chances are he will do it to other kids.



At least you told the mother that you weren't watching him anymore.  Keeping him away from the other kids in your house, especially your own child is the best thing to do.

You don't want the child saying to anyone that YOU have done stuff to him, know what I mean??

He's way too much of a liability.  His own mother needs to deal with him and his problems.

Answer 4

I will not berate you for your whereabouts...because, any parent knows that they are not in the presence of their children alll the time. Let your child explain what happened...which you seem to have done...then approach the other child....in a conversational manner...asking where such acts were seen or heard about...again...do not show any disdain...I'm thinking this child thinks they did nothing wrong.  

Answer 5

You're not overreacting, that's your child and your job is to protect her the best you can. It sounds like you are doing the right things with her psychologically, with the letting her talk and telling her it's never ok to be touched like that and so on. I would watch for changes in behavior or acting out against other children. My 2 year old would exhibit weird behavior after I left her abusive father, there were always people in and out of the house during the times I was at work (he was the stay-at-home parent) I took her to child services and they had a counselor that talked with her and figured out what had happened and then helped her move past it. She's 9 now and no signs of any of the typical sexually abused child behavior. If you still are concerned though I would think about talking to her pediatrician, I'm sure they'd have resources.

Answer 6

I think what you did was the right thing. As for the other kid sounds like he needs help and maybe you can explain why he can't come over and say sorry to your baby girl

Answer 7

What a horrific situation. I commend you for doing the right thing. That boy needs serious counseling/therapy! I just hope your girl didn't think she did something bad because you cried. I would get some counseling for your baby girl too. It's hard to go through this by yourself.