A cookout baby shower?

Question

I am far away from my friends and family and anyone who would throw a traditional baby shower for me. My husband's sister & sister-in-law have offered to throw a shower and thought (as I do as well) that my husband should be included (I would want him included in my home town as well and he is very "secure" in his masculinity).

Thing is they sounded all "relieved" when I said "of course, let's go co-ed/jack and jill or whatever" and then they proceeded to tell me that they were thinking of doing a cookout so the guys don't feel awkward.

Okay, I can handle cookouts for 4th of July and Labor Day but for a baby shower?? Especially considering that this is the only one I will have? I tried to get out of it by saying that they should throw a "congrats" party for my husband when the baby is born but they said "no, it has to be about you too". But I am thinking "if it is about me why a cookout? I don't even like cookouts". BTW: Nobody ever does anything that I like to do when we get together. It is always what other people like to do.

Anyhow, does anyone else feel kind of yucky about a cookout baby shower? Maybe it is my age - I am 37 years old - but cookout and baby shower are not two concepts I would personally ever want paired. My stepmother agreed - she is also older.

I am personally offended by the idea yet want to politely get out of being the guest of honor at a party where only the "men" are being considered. My husband doesn't really want a cookout either - funny thing is I'm not really that "girly" and he isn't too "manly man" and we both just like appetizers and good music - things like that. We even thought - hey a cool brunch would be unisex without being - well, a "cookout".

Answer 1

Yeah, I think it is a good idea.

Answer 2

You are right on girl!  But at this point, I think your husband should be the one to suggest a change.  Obviously these ladies seem to think a cookout would accommodate him, however they didn't ask him first!  He should simply offer up your ideas of a simple brunch, or a cocktail hour/mocktail hour shower.  I am 25 and having my first the end of November.  My family is very far away also, but my friends here had enough sense thank God not to suggest a cookout!  There are plenty of ways to do this 'cheap' and classy...no momma to be wants baked beans and coleslaw in the way of cute baby stuff!  GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

Answer 3

It all boils down to this:

When someone wants to do something nice for you, it doesn't matter what you want unless they ask. I have a mother-in-law that does these kinds of things all the time. For example, for my birthday, she says she wants to buy me a video camera and that i should pick one out. She gave me a $$ limit. What I REALLY would like is a digital SLR camera which would cost about the same, but I couldn't say that. She didn't ask. So I politely smile, choose a video camera, and say thank you.

In regards to the baby shower cookout, it's definitely uncoventional. But the concept will be the same...lots of presents for you, hubby and baby...no matter what food is served!!! The truth is, it's your husbands family, and while you're accepted into his family, when they do something for you guys, it's for him and they're thinking of him.

literally, you are describing my life!!!

Answer 4

You could have a brunch outside. So your husband has his outside deal and you can make it all nice outside by hanging lanterns in the trees. you can do alot outside. just no grill.

Answer 5

i think a cookout is a cool idea for a baby shower :D but idk i am weird like that haha

Answer 6

I don't like that idea either.  Seems a little weird!  Perhaps they are suggesting cookout to lower the cost.  You should tell them you are not into the cookout thing or better yet have your husband relay the message to his family.  Good Luck!

Answer 7

i think its a great idea boy wont feel left out and will take care of the food , that means girls can have more fun with the mom to be , i think it would be a great idea try doing baby and more girl stuff while they are doing the cooking and stuff and then enjoy al together to eat and have a fun day. its better than not having anything i wish some would do at least a cookout for me . I'm not getting anything so enjoy and make it a special day.  

Answer 8

I myself would not have a problem with a cook-out baby shower.  I'm far away from any of my family and friends too.  But I also am far away from any of my husband's family so when/if I get pregnant, I'm pretty much assured to not have ANY sort of baby shower unless my co-workers throw me one.  If you don't want the type of baby shower they are willing to host, then politely decline the baby shower and don't whine when you don't have one.

Answer 9

i had a cook out for my first baby shower, it was fun it was a jack and jill. everyone loved it

Answer 10

i don't see why everything couldn't be incorporated. just because there's hot dogs for the guys doesn't mean there can't be foods you want or the cake you want! get one of the outdoor tents and have it decorated!

Answer 11

I agree I don't like the idea of the cookout either.  You guys can possibly discuss what you like for your baby shower...or suggest something like..."Oh I happen to stumble across this great place for a brunch that would be great for our baby shower"

Answer 12

It's your big day, it should be about what you want! If there is ever a time to speak up about what you want, this is it! Your husband and step mom will be right there to back you up.

Just say to the others, "You know, the more I think about it, a cookout isn't quite what I want for this celebration. Can we think of some other co-ed ideas?" Acting like you care about their input for other ideas will off-set the dissapointment of turning down their first plan. Work with them for another party idea, and find something YOU want to do!

A brunch is a good idea! A pot-luck maybe? Fondue? Men like food, not just cookouts!! There's lots of stuff you can do to include the boys! Have a good time one whatever you choose and congrats!

Answer 13

What a difficult situation.   On one hand, they are the ones going to the effort and expense to throw you a shower, even if it's not what you imagined.    It could be considered rude to tell them that you don't like what they are planning.

On the other hand, it's your baby and you'd like something special for you and your baby.

How's your relationship with them?   What about your husband?    If either of you are close enough not to cause family rifts, I'd definately say something.    However, if they are likely to be hugely offended, personally I'd just let it go.    As they are the organizers (and presumably are paying for it), then they have the final say.    Maybe you could come up with a compromise, such as going out to dinner to celebrate or organising your own get together where you have an "afternoon tea" with cake & tea/coffee.    That way they have their cookout and you have your nicer, classier celebration.

Good luck - family dynamics can be difficult :(

Answer 14

I think that its great that they are throwing you a shower, and if they want to do a cook out, why not? They are the ones throwing the party. you can still have a really cool cake. If you are dead set against it, have you husband tell them you'd prefer a brunch... I can guarentee me and my husband would much rather go to a cookout, then a brunch... good luck with whatever you do, and keep in mind, they are the ones in charge of the party, and it is generous of them to do it.

Answer 15

Be thankfull your getting a shower at all! I didn't get anything when my son was born.. I would have loved to at least had a cookout!!

Just because its a cookout doesn't mean it will be completely tacky, it can still be decorated to the mak and the cake and all, it just means a different form of food. And if you don't want hotdogs ask for something a step up.

Maybe its your hormones, maybe its my lack of shower, but I think you should just sit back and relax and go with the flow.