A darker poem. Opinions wanted

Question

There I sit

Upon the world

I envision your death

And consuming your soul

You're the being

Who speaks heresies

Your truths no meaning

They're all just fairy tales

Anger swells inside of me

I visualize destiny

Tearing your life

Killing in spite

Back to reality

You spit your venom at me

Chaos begins to swell

As I introduce you to h**l

I bring you pain

Envisioning

The evil things I'll do

As you sleep

Cut your throat

Leave you for dead

As the blood pours

Onto the bed

I bathe in the madness

Angers sweet call

The blade's Finesse

The writings on the wall

I don't see why everyone is adding their age afterwards but, I guess I will as well. I am 15 years of age, and often act more mature than others haha. Honest opinions sought, I wrote this when I was upset. It was a great way to relieve stress, and I tried to keep it short. Thanks for the help and cheers! : ]

Answer 1

Excellent poem.  It's quite all right to taste the dark side now and then, especially when you can bring it back and show it's power in such a magnificent way.

Envision is a powerful word -- too powerful to use it twice in the same poem -- may I suggest playing with these words: Imagine, Envisage, Foresee, Predict, Picture, Visualise, Observe, Study, Consider, Dream, Anticipate, etc.

Angers sweet call <-- Anger's sweet call

You have personified Anger, and done a superb job of it.

All in all if I had to score it, it would be high, but I don't score them.

Keep writing.

T.

Answer 2

Righhhhhhhhhht. *cough*emo*cough*

Answer 3

Hi,

       People usually think sadness, death, all kinds of things when try to define What gothic poetry is. Poetry narrating darkness, ballade of suicide, a burial, death, dejection etc are different types.These types fall under dark poetry. Good luck

Answer 4

It is excellentey!!! keep up da good work

brilliant masterpiece ^-^ lol

Answer 5

Darkness like this is easy. Any number of brown bottles can dispense such things. Since it is impossible for you to have a library of life experiences to draw from at 15, you write about what is popular. This is c**p. Find a story of your own to tell us. If you don't have any, then go outside and get some.

Answer 6

I actually found this rather enjoyable,who cares how old you are,some people just have a talent that others don't,and what does being emo have to do with poetry?

Answer 7

Man I thought it was great.

I think it can mean something different to a lot of people.

Like to me It's like the devil is sitting and watching you ready to take your life. And I can see where it could mean other things also.

Keep up the good work I give you and A+

Answer 8

Writing is a very good tool and you use it well.  

I think your poem is really good.

Answer 9

Don't listen to those who call you emo. I too write poetry to express my anger, sadness, depression, etc. It really does relieve you of your clogged emotions.

Your poem was dark, scary,depressing; that sent anger in every direction...I loved it!  It is a great dark poem.

Answer 10

it is dark, a little scary, reminds me of something from edgar allan poe.  i like it, the only thing i'd change, is you used envision twice.  maybe change one of them to...something using these words....

conceive, envisage, fancy, fantasize, image, picture, see, think, vision, visualize

or maybe you meant to use it twice.  in any case, it's better to write poetry to relieve stress rather than bottle it up and lose control after a while.  hope you are okay now.  :)