A daycare lady didnt let a little girl have her desert cause she didnt finish her food and then ....?

Question

after nap time she gave all the kids a scoop of ice cream and only gave the same little girl half and said that she wont get a full scoop cause she didnt finish her lunch earlier.

she actually punished her twice with food.

what should i do?

Answer 1

In my opinion, WHY she didn't finish her lunch is irrelevant.  The fruit cup is a nutritious part of the lunch and shouldn't even be considered "dessert".  Withholding it from the child serves no purpose other than to hurt the child's feelings, confuse her, and perhaps humiliate her in front of her peers.  As a former Head Start Center Manager, I can say that Head Start's policy is to Never (with a capital N) use food as either reward or punishment.  It's a big mistake since it can cause serious issues with food at the present time or when the child is older.  Also, foods that are most often used as rewards are sweets or chips or other junk food that do not promote healthy eating habits.  Point #2:  A preschool child not only has a small tummy, but will Never (with a capital N) starve herself.  Young children who are not currently in a growth spurt often have less of an appetite than when they are growing and developing more quickly. . . . . .  Now, as to what you should do:  Approach the manager or director with the facts about why they should neither reward nor punish the children by giving or refusing to give food.  Insist that they change their policy.  Any snacks should be healthy ones, and at a set time each day.  Educate them about small children with small appetites.  (And if she hadn't eaten much at lunch time, she was probably more hungry than the other children after their naps!  Another reason to give her the food the other children were receiving!)

Answer 2

ask the little girl first why she didn't finish eating her lunch. perhaps the reason why her teacher didn't gave her dessert and ice cream because the teacher thinks that she may not finish the food again and it's such a waste...to waste food.  i think the teacher is just "teaching" the little girl to value the food that she eats or that she has in her lunch box, that is.

Answer 3

Does she look like this little girl? http://www.flatrock.org.nz/topics/odds_a...

If not, then what you should do is get some perspective and give thanks. Give thanks that she has people caring for her. Give thanks that she has the OPTION to refuse a meal. Give thanks that an adult in her life is willing to set rules and stick to them.  If the little girl was upset about this as well an explanation about the importance of "good food" before sweets and your consolation should suffice.

Answer 4

Well, in my opinion this is wrong.  I actually had this happen to me. In the situation i was in, the child wouldnt eat the cookie and wanted more fruit.  The caregiver wouldnt give her any more fruit until she ate the cookie.  I rather have the child eat the fruit over a cookie.   As a room supervisor it was my responsibility to confront that worker and explain to them that we cannot take away food or deny it , in any way.  Not all children are going to like the same food.  All we can do is encourage the children to try and eat what is put out in front of them, if they dont want to you cannot force the child to eat it and you cannot say to the child that you cant have anything later such as the ice cream.

If you are a parent and saw this, I'd talk to the director of the daycare.  If you are a worker, and have the responsibility to confront this person, then id be upfront and explain that no child can be denied food or forced to eat something that he/she doesnt want to eat.  however, provide encouragement to the child to try new food.

Good luck with your situation.

Answer 5

If you are the mother, go to the head of the day care (home or other) and advise that you do not find punishing with food appropriate and you would like to be part of the discipline process and decide what is appropriate.

Remember you are a customer and remind them (if they aren't willing to work something out) that you can pull your child out.

Even if you aren't the parent of this one, your child might be the victim next time.

Answer 6

All I can say is that if she had enough room left for dessert than she had more room to finish her food. However being a professional place they (daycare) should have went about it differently.

Answer 7

confront her and tell her how you feel and if she doesn't change go and see the day care director.

Answer 8

You're dealing with a s****t here......

Answer 9

Well... You should talk to that person and tell her that that is not fair...That little girl might not finished her food cuz she might be already full and does not want to vomit or something like that.. I still say it is not fair!

Answer 10

I would confront her about this.  If that doesn't work, approach your supervisor.  Ethically it is WRONG to withhold food from a child as a means of punishment.  In most daycares and schools, it is in the handbook that food cannot be withheld as punishment.

Answer 11

In many states forcing children to eat or withholding food as punishment is a violation of the licensing regulations. Speak with the provider and if you are not satisfied contact the licensing agency. If she's doing this she's probably doing other things you wouldn't like.

Answer 12

I think it depends on the reason the little girl did not eat her lunch.  If she was feeling ill, she should not have been made to finish, but also should not have been given dessert or a snack.  If she tried it and didn't like the food, she should not have been punished at all.  But if she was just being difficult, if she just wanted the dessert and snack, but didn't want the meal offered, then withholding the "fun food" doesn't seem wrong to me.

In any case, if you have concerns about this, you should let the director of the daycare know.  And the mother of this child also deserves to know.  Parents should always know whatever is happening with their children.

Answer 13

Not getting a desert after not finishing a lunch is ok. But Not getting it the second time is over doing it. The child has learned her leasson the first time. I would discuss it with the mother of the child and have her decide wheather or not to discuss it with the daycares director or even the lady who did it. To see why she felt it was neccesary.

Answer 14

The first time, as far as I can tell, doesn't seem like a problem to me if it was done properly.  The second time is clearly wrong.

Page 8 of this PDF file has some good information about this.  I would read it before you talk to anyone just so you have the information available (or even print that page):

http://www.sde.ct.gov/sde/lib/sde/PDF/DE...

  I would start by finding out if the school has a policy/procedures book.  Get a copy and look through to see if it has information about withholding/rewarding with food.  If they don't, it SHOULD be in there.

If that route does not take you anywhere, I would find out who the school is accredited through.  Don't go blowing any whistles quite yet, but ... let's say they're accredited through NAEYC.  I would contact NAEYC and ask them about their official policy about schools withholding/rewarding children with food.  Again, this is primarily so you have the information to share with the teacher and administrator.  

Once you have more information, how I would handle it varies.  If you know the teacher well enough and feel this won't cause a lot of problems, I would talk to the teacher.  A lot of times, especially in a day care setting, teachers simply do not have the knowledge that something like that is wrong.  The teacher probably means well, she loves the children, she is great with the children - she just might not realize that this form of punishment is not acceptable.

As I write this, I think the best approach would honestly be to talk to the administrator of the school rather than the teacher.  He/She needs to know this happened and to help the teacher realize what happened.  That way, the situation can be monitored more closely.  But if you do talk to the teacher, I would let the administrator know.

Not an easy situation if you think the teacher might get defensive about it.  But the 4 year old has no powerful voice in the matter.  You have to be the voice for that child (and others).  

My only other question centers around the food they are serving.  They have desserts after lunch and ice cream after nap.  I hope we're dealing with a special occasion here or something similar.  What ever happened to working for a healthy diet?  Straying from a healthy diet at times is ok.  But I hope it's not too regularly.

Matt

Answer 15

First of all, a fruit cup is NOT dessert. It is a food as same as meat, veggies, pasta. Just because it is sweet does NOT mean it should be viewed as a treat (dessert). And NAEYC and the if the center is involved in the US federal food program to pay for meals food can NEVER be used as a reward or punishment. OK, I bend a bit myself on the reward part. Like when I have a "intruder alert' drill. Try keeping 20 4 yr olds quiet for 5+ minutes while we are hiding in a corner of the room, the kids deserve something to keep their mouths busy. I throw literacy in "If you give a mouse a cookie' story. and try to be verrrry quiet chewing the cookie, like a mouse. But never withold food for punishment. There may be something going on in the home, and punishing a child for food issues only will make matters worse. How degrading. The one thing I find as bad is when teachers make kids stand to eat when they are rocking in the chair. Come on, we are to 'teach' and to 'teach in a respectful manner',

Answer 16

how sad just stand up to her and be like remember u already punished her

Answer 17

I woul;dnt get so bent out of shape. I ahve 3 children. One eats everything put in fromt of him and the other usually does but if I did have a picky eater - probably my daughter I'd say that is ok. I'd rather she not have dessert or snacks if she didnt eat her proper meal.

Answer 18

Are you here mother or another daycare helper?

As a daycare helper, go to the director and explain the ladies treatment of the little girl.

Another mother, tell the little girls mother. No child should be made to feel ashamed of having a small stomach.

Her mother, stay home with your child, you are more valueble to her then your paycheck is to you.

Answer 19

Well, I wouldn't ever make a child clean their plate.  I do insist that they try new foods, and I try to get them to eat.  If they choose not to that's their choice.  They do know that they won't get a second chance for lunch and I don't fix anything extra for them if they don't like the food.  I wouldn't hold snack from a child, I also don't think we would have had desert and ice cream in the same day.  I try to serve healthy snacks, like fruits and veggies.  Ice cream is a rare treat.  I would talk to the lady,and let her know that punishment by withholding food isn't appropriate.

Answer 20

Don't jump to conclusions.

Maybe the day care center is enforcing an arrangement they've worked out in cooperation with the girl's parents (maybe even with input from medical professionals).

Maybe the "day care lady" was mean and unprofessional.

You don't know, and it may be none of your business.

If this is a one-time thing, let it go.  If the day care provider is "hard" on a child again, you can say something discrete to the director.