A dissociative episode..with BPD please help!

Question

Hello

Today I feel so strange, it feels like that I’m in someone else’s body.

I don’t know weather its normal or not I have borderline personality disorder and PTSD and was sexually abused as a child and I feel really strange today like all the memories are just fresh to me, and I’m crying inside.

When I was abused I was just 11 years old and it was at gunpoint a friend of the familys friend and it was so scarey he use to tell me things such as

‘if you tell your mummy and daddy you wont even be here anymore I will kill you ‘

Íf you say a word I will **** you up so bad you wont know what hit you’

Ýou say a word to your parents I will kill them and you wont see them again’

You’re a little s**t and derserve the pain I will put you in’

Ýou tell your parents you will get taken away and will never see them again ‘

‘this is our secret and don’t tell anyone or I will kill you slut’

I don’t know what to do I go to counselling and my social worker is great but I still have bad days I know that, I do sketch drawing and diary input.

What would you do to forget and I am pretty sure I am having a dissociative episode.

I feel all these things in my body like my skin crawling and my head spinning etc

And me typing this post doesn’t feel real to me I know its me trying but doesn’t feel real to me if you get what I mean the professionals say its a dissociative episode.

How can I get over the dissociative episode?

And what can I do to make things better for me?

Thanks for looking and taking the time to answer my question.

Britney

Answer 1

Dissociative reactions often follow stress, even if minute. Try to relax, lay down, make yourself comfortable, breathe deep. Try to focus on your environment and your body. Validate yourself. Consciously. Try to think about everything that you are seeing or feeling and say I see:...window, ceiling, walls, my hands, my nails... I feel: ..scared.. fearful... confused.. dissociated...I know it may sound a little silly but it helps you ground and center yourself. Plus the dissociative reactions are undealt reactions from trauma during which we invalidate ourselves in attempts to escape negative feelings/thoughts, so if you begin with recognizing and slowly accepting all t he aspects about your environment and yourself if will help you with that disconnected feeling. Sorry you are experiencing that and although I know you are doing good with your social worker and it's great, yet I'd also advise to try Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, as an addition to the current work you are doing perhaps. It's great for BPD and should help you a great deal. Good luck!

Answer 2

Your dissociation is to take you away from hurtful situations and thoughts.  It is likely when you were traumatized the same thing happened.  You pretended you were outside of your body so that it wasn't really you being hurt, but somebody else...and you are watching.

You are doing good by writing about it.  You've already taken a step in "getting over" the dissociative episode.  You are realizing what happened in your life and talking about it.

Good for you.  Unfortunately, I have little advice to give.  Just keep remembering, and keep telling your story.