A drug addict, alcoholic father?

Question

ok well my father is an alcoholic and a drug addict. My parents are divorced. Recently my mom heard that he's been sober. He wants to see us and even said he would go to counseling. he has claimed to get sober before but never has lived up to any promises. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to go to counseling because i have had to go there before. What should I do? Thank you in advance

Answer 1

From personal experience, I know what it's like to have an alcoholic father.  I've actually had to cut my father out of my life (and I'm now 27) for my own safety-mental, physical, and emotional.  I choose not to have a relationship with him-I don't even know if he wants one with me.  But the one thing that I have in my head, is that if he were to want to pursue a relationship with me, I would only do it through a family counselor as someone has to be the bad guy other than me.  

I know you mentioned not wnating go see a counselor, but you need to consider the following:

1.  do you want a relationship with him?

2.  Why?

3.  If you say you do, then i really do suggest the family therapy, but do it on your terms.  Find a therapist that you're comfortalbe with-ask friends, phone a local organization, and ask if you could meet a couple before going through.  I'd also make him pay for it all.  Make it clear that the only relationship you'd have is through the counseling until you're ready for the next step.  Since he's screwed this up so much, you call the shots.  You're allowed to.

p.s.  I have had counselling, and met two counselors who in my opinion, should have had their license stripped from them (i met them once and found out how awful they were and refused to go back).  I've also had a couple that really helped me on hte healing process I am still on.  

Hang in there and if you need someoen to talk to let me know, and i can pass on my email address to you.

Answer 2

Convince your father to go to residential treatment center and let the people there help him to prevent addiction in his system.

Answer 3

I think it is important to have a relationship with your father, and that may be possible if he has indeed quit drinking and using drugs.  If he puts together a really good track record of being clean--at least a year--then I think it makes sense to give him another chance.