A few poems I wrote, feedback please!!!?

Question

There's 3 seperate ones here I know its a lot but even if you just commented on one that would be great

Im runnin down that little hall,

with that knife I’m bound to fall

but I’m not alone getting hurt

as I fall into the dirt…

People watchin screamin at me

I don’t know why they couldn’t see

I now know it was wrong for me

so s***w it all I’m who I wanna be

tired of my stupid thinkin’

time to float and finish sinkin’

I’m movin on from desperation

tryin to find some restoration

arms reach out to drag me along

forgettin all the things I done wrong

they don’t think I’m quite so messed up

tellin’ me the world is ****** up

the mirror keeps on staring me down

watchin me when I turn aroun’

I can’t get away from it’s stare

because it knows why I’m sittin there

sometimes I really wanna see

what you people think you see in me

Drenched in my own tears

My mind drifts to my worst fears

Wishing they would all come true

I wish I had never fallen for you

The steam drifts off the pavement

but my head is filled with his scent

He hates me for who I am

Doesn't even give a d**n

I know I'm pathetic, don't need to be told

I can be sweating but still feel the cold

Promises broken so d**n easily

I don't know why i couldn't see

But why shouldn't he hate me?

& I’ve contemplated death countless times

a release from this endless torment

an intimate longing for my trepid descent

the desire searing holes beneath fragile ground

I crave closure and beg for a fault to be found

but as I waver on the rim of desolation

my quivering fist reaches inspiration

releasing the tourniquet drains my propulsion

and lacking the energy to contain my emotion

my tears solidifying the future drifting from my past

Too strong to give up, to weak to move on

embracing the end, but waiting for the cause

Answer 1

These poems were alright. Simplicity is the key word here. The only tone i get from all these poems is sad, depressed, lost, confused. Im not getting on the case that these poems are too emo or anything, its just that you dont really bring me into you world completly.

For example, lets say that i too am writing a poem similar to yours. In this poem i write "People dont see me for who i am, so deeper i go in this never ending quicksand" To me, not much emotion going on here. it is in this moment that i must really think about what im trying to say here. People's misunderstood judgment puts me in a situation where my self esteem goes low. Im confused. Am i mad at these people, or are these people mad at me? With this info, i could probably write, " I now know how they feel. Like an animal, i stand alone behind my glass cube, as blank eyes glare at the creature laying before them. My mind is not in its place, my feet barely touching the ground. Im not here. But they are." Not perfect, but notice how i kept those tone words that i used before. I was confused about people not seeing the real me, so i added the line " im not here, but they are"  in the other phrases, i added confusion, isolation, and a feeling of my identity taken away.

Poetry is a very beautiful art form. When you get a basic understanding of it, you could do so much. However, poetry is never one sided. The most beautiful works of poetry are gloomy, while the others are happy going. Just remember, that a poem never goes finished.