A few questions for people that were adopted at birth?

Question

We are fostering to adopt and the bm is nowhere to be found. The questions that I am asking we HAVE NOT DONE. we just are trying to make educated decisions before we do anything.

1. How did you feel when you found out your ap changed your first middle and last name? 2. what informaion do you wish you had/have? 3. when do you wish or when where you told you were adopted(how did you feel) 4. How were you and how woulod you like to be intoduced to people? did you would you want people to know you were adopted or not? 5. Anything eles that you would have wanted your adoptive parents to know before they adopted you so they could do a better job.

Thanks for letting me into your personal life so that we may better our child.

PS please do not answer unless you were adopted or raised by persons other than your birth parents We want to know how an adoptee feels not how someone thinks they feel or felt.

thanks again

Answer 1

In my case the family that adopted me gave me my first and middle name, I did not have one prior to that. Before they adopted me  when I was a foster child I used my birthmothers surname.  Then when I was adopted I took on their surname. It never bothered me because I don’t remember going by that surname (I was nearly 3 when i was official, been with them since i was 3 weeks old) adopted and the one I have now is the only one I have ever known myself going by.  I wish I had Medical information my parents tried to get my birthmothers medical information but they were unable to do so, that said they tried so it means something to me. I also wish I had heritage information like what countries birthparents ancestors were from. Thankfully because of ancestry dna test today I will eventually get one done and know some. I think it could also be a wise investment for Adoptive Parents who don’t know what heritage their kids are.

I can’t remember a time that I didn’t know I was adopted so my parents had to have told me at a very young age probably as young as 3. I think it was done right someone who is adopted should be told as soon as possible even if they cant comprehend at their age the word should still be out there. Today there are so many books on adoption for all ages, storybook types.  

As far as introduction my parents always only introduced me just as their daughter. Being adopted is rarely a topic I bring up often or when I first met someone. Its simply because I don’t see it as a big deal. Most of the time people just say “Cool”, and also don’t make it a big issue. I have no problem people knowing that I am adopted. Plus being a bi-racial ,Transracial adoptee its more obvious.

Answer 2

I was adopted and my parents always told me I was adopted though I didn't get the concept until 3rd grade.  It is wrong to not tell your kids. Also my parents couldn't of lied to me because i am Hispanic and they are white so i don't think it would of worked to well. Make sure you are always honest from the time they are born.

Answer 3

I was born in ''79 so things were a little different then.  I wish more than anything I had an updated medical history.  The one single sheet of paper I have was not very helpful.  I mean really how many health issues do you have when you are young and have a baby?  Now 28 years later I am sure some have come up.  But of course, the law says I can not find out any of it!  It is a crime for a person to tell me any info about my b.parents!  

People born after 1993 have more access to records and there are a lot more choices available in the adoption process now.  If I were you I would want to have access to everything you can-you never know what kind of answers-if any-you child may want when they are older.

Answer 4

1. My AP never changed my first name and middle name, only my last name. I wasn't aware that a lot of people changed their AC names. However, I don't think this would be of huge concern to the person as after being adopted they'll have loving parents.

2. I think it is important to eventually know medical history/heritage at the very least. I know my BM now, and I actually sort of wish I didn't. However, not knowing her would fill my life with questioning. Knowing her never changed the love and appreciation I had for my AP, but it did complicate my life in ways I wish it wouldn't have growing up.

3. I was told I was adopted when I was 4 because my BM pressed it and it was an open adoption. I wish I hadn't found out until I was a teenager. I know a lot of teens get angry when told this late, but being told too early can really mess with your emotions and stability, and it causes more confusion then it is worth.

4. I never wanted anyone to know I was adopted. I was embaressed for a very long time. I just wanted my mom to be my mom and my dad to be my dad, without people questioning this. When my adopted mom died, many people made comments such as, "how can you care? she wasn't your REAL mom" being too open about adoption can lead to insensitivity in people, which should be avoided.

5. My adopted parents did a WONDERFUL job. I am so incredibly greatful to have been raised by them now that my love surpasses what I could imagine I could feel for my BP. Your child will grow up to be a thankful adult, and be appreciative of your generosity and loving kindness. I'll thank you now for your new child. Don't second guess yourself, you'll do great. There was nothing more they could have done for me.

Congratulations!

Answer 5

1.  No big deal, I was adopted at birth, frankly it was odd that my bio family even named me.  I went home from the hospital with my parents.

2.  Had basics, looks, ethnic background, my bio family's name was even on the adoption papers

3.  My parents NEVER hid that I was adopted, that word was part of my vocabulary from the time I could talk, as I grew I became more aware of what it meant.  My parents adopted 3 kids and there was never the big "sit down" moment for any of us.  We always knew.  It was never hidden, nor considered a big deal.  And they always told us how very loved we were by our bio families.

4.  My Mom was a 3rd grade teacher in a catholic school, she always taught a lesson on St. Joseph and explained how he was the adoptive father of Jesus, for many this was the first time they heard the work.  My Mom always told them if they knew me or my brother or sister than they too knew someone who was adopted.  It was never an issue but one time when one kid told me that my parents weren't really my parents if I was adopted.  I was 8 or 9 and that hurt my feeling and I remember it to this day.  It was frustrating more than anything that he didn't "get it".

5.  My parents did a fine job with the whole adoption thing. #1 they didn't make it that big of a deal.

by the way my birth family found me about 20 some odd years ago.  I knew the mom and dad had been married and I had two full blooded older sisters.

Answer 6

my mom was adopted at birth. she said that she felt very out of place and didnt knwo where she belonged because she was so different from her four other siblings. she was told as soon as she was old enough to understand that she was adopted. it was never kept a secret and she says that was best. as long as the ap let the child know from the very beginnign that they are wanted and special and that's why they chose them to be their baby, it makes it a lot easier.

chances are the birthparents are not stable people because otherwise theyw ould be with their baby so I'd wait until the child is 18 so they can make their own educated adult decision to contact their birth parents. my mom did when she was about 16 i think. after that long, a lot of the bp have done a lot of growing and hopefully are much healthier mentally. my mom says she wanted to feel wanted so introducing the child as yours is what a child needs.

bottom line is, the birth parents gave him or her up because they love them so much they wanted them to have a better life and adoptive parents love them too so just let the child know that everyone loves them and that's all you can really do.

Answer 7

i was extremely hurt and sad when i found out the name i have now is my 4th name.  (my first and middle names are the 4th set).

Answer 8

1. How did you feel when you found out your ap changed your first middle and last name? Well I was adopted at birth so I dont know if I had a different name.

2. What informaion do you wish you had/have?  Eh... Im curiouse as to what my mom looked like but I dont actually feel like im missing any information. If I actually had seen a picture, I dont know how that would have changed my perseption of my adoptive parents or even of myself. And I worry it would have been a negative impact.

3. when do you wish or when where you told you were adopted(how did you feel) I was told when I was very young. I just assume I have always known, but I think sometime around when my little brothers were born my paretns explain that I came out of someone elses tummy, but was their child. That was enough info for a 3 year old, and I wasnt upset. As I got older I would ask more questions and got age appropriate answers untill all the peices had been filled in.

4. How were you and how woulod you like to be intoduced to people? did you would you want people to know you were adopted or not?  Well I never was introduced as the adoptied child... I was always their child, and I wouldnt have wanted it any other way. I would tell people when it was appropriate or if it came up.  It didnt really bother me,because i have always known, and I only told the people who it mattered to or who knew me well enough for it not to matter.

5. Anything eles that you would have wanted your adoptive parents to know before they adopted you so they could do a better job. Nothing... their raised me exactly the same as their bio kids and I had a great childhood and life.