A foolish poem--Thoughts?

Question

Fool

Sitting on my stool

Feet twisted inward

Happiness fleeted

Like a startled sparrow

My lips pressed tightly

Eyebrows shift

Knuckles burrow innately

Into my painted cheek

Same old loser

My own successor

Just a different costume

On a familiar stage

A crisp pointed hat

Exclaiming loudly

The failure I am

Yet it’s no surprise

No shocking burst

Or accelerated beat

It’s a common occurrence

A work place hazard

Too busy shuffling

In oversized shoes

I can never fill

Eventually I trip up

On my exposed flaws

My shaking head

Won’t free me of defect

Copyright 2008

Answer 1

A clown? maybe, I liked it very much reguardless of whether I'm right or not. very good.

Answer 2

My dear young lady,

First two suggestions, "Feet turned inwards" and "Happiness fleeting".

A most enjoyable expressive piece of work, disappointment, sadness and the thought that it was to be expected seep from every line.

Robert

Answer 3

All I can manage to say is...WOW!  This struck a deep note in my soul.  I feel so sad for the protagonist, when really it is a deep sense of relatedness that is creating such sadness in me.  I suppose every person at one time or another has been in those "oversized shoes" that they can never fill.  There is such incredible pathos in your images...beginning with the first:

"Sitting on my stool

Feet twisted inward"

Very effective, very engaging... The reader can't help but see this happening.  I applaud you.  Thank you.

Answer 4

"Hi!",

A foolish poem thats not so foolish.

A great poem once again. many people can relate to, comparring themselves to others, that they believe they can never be as good as.

Well Done  : )

Answer 5

A compassion evoking poem. flows very well.  Very thoughtful work.  Thanks.

Answer 6

like it

Answer 7

well written

exactly how i feel at times

kudos to you!

Answer 8

Beautifully worded and meaning clearly stated.  Excellent!

Answer 9

Yes very well put, I believe we have all tripped over or flaws, sometimes those over sized shoes, that we seem to always try to fill, cause a hindrance to who we really are!!  Cheers !!