A friend worth fighting for?

Question

My friend named *Jane* has been my friend for roughly 4 years. Jane and I get along great, and I really like her as a person. Jane is different in the sense that she likes to do things she's familiar with, and that's about it, which is fine with me. But going to the movies, and out for coffee and the same cafe over, and over, and over, gets a little boring. After a little bit of a argument about her canceling plans with me constantly, we had a period of almost a year where we didn't talk. I contacted her again, and we worked things out and went right back to where we had been: great friends. Now, we have been back to being great friends for almost a year again and for some unknown reason, she has cut me off! I just realized it after a month, as I live in a different city we only see each other when I go home. But for a month now I finally noticed she has been ignoring all my emails and text. I have sent her another email asking what's going on saying I was just checkin if she is alive! I sent the email a week ago and she has not answered.

At this point, there is no reason for her to be pulling away from me, our last conversation was great, and that is the last time we have talked. What do I do? I've worked at this friendship way more then she has, I'm the one who always makes the plans, and contacts her. I truly care about Jane, I would consider her one of my best friends, so this blows my mind that she is ignoring me out of nowhere. What should I do? Should I keep fighting for this friendship? Should I just leave it? I'm sad that I'm losing one of my best friends, for absolutely no reason!

Answer 1

Just keep trying, hopefully she will realize what a good friend you are.  

Answer 2

1.  She cannot be your only friend.  Have other friends.  It sounds like life revolves around her.  Life is bigger than one friend.

2.  Don't contact her anymore.  Maybe you are a 'pest' in her eyes- but to me it doesn't seem that way.  She just has other things to do, AND so do you.

3.  If you are too attached, it can scare some friends away.  You may be smothering her without knowing it.

4.  Today, work toward getting more than one friend, have 3-4 really good friends.  Did you know your mom or sisters could be your friends too:)  It took a counselor to wake me up on that one.

Answer 3

Well I disagree with you that this is happening for NO reason. There HAS to be a reason for it. Maybe theres something that shes not telling you. Or your not that close of friends that you believed to be. but theres something going on. I would email her or call and ask her right out what that may be. Maybe she doesn't want to tell you something that she may not like about you. It has to be something.  Think hard about it. Maybe you'll come up with an answer.

Answer 4

Sometimes people just need space.

I hit a spot of major depression a couple of years ago, and I didnt talk to anyone for about 4 days, including my parents, and when I look back on it I cant think why, giver her more time.

Answer 5

a friendship like any other relationship is a two way street. it cant be one sided or it wont work at all. a true friend will always make the time for you no matter what.

she's obviously the fact she's a very flaky person who dont give a d**n about your friendship. either there's something going on with her life that she doesnt want you to know about.

its sad though when friendship breaks up. its a lesson but have you ever heard of the old poem called a reason, a season and a lifetime. people come and go into our lives for a reason, teaching us about lesson in life and go away after they have done their part.

i wouldnt try to get in touch with her again if she doesnt want you in her life, its painful.  best of luck to you.

a friendship is worth fighthing for only if theyve been there for you through thick and thin - if they are worthy of your trust and loyalty.

Answer 6

Is it possible she moved? Do you know of any mutual friends who would know what happened, if she's around or if she's angry at you? If so, I would ask them about it. If not, send her one last e-mail or text asking that if she does not want to continue the friendship to at least have the decency to tell you instead of ignoring you. If she doesn't reply then just cut your losses, the fact that you seem to be carrying the friendship may be an indicator that she wasn't that into it to begin with. If that's the case then there is no sense in wasting your time.  

Answer 7

leave it babe.Shes not worth it.I f she wont commit like you have then shes not on ur wavelength.She'll regret, and will probs coe running back soon enough.Dont fight

Answer 8

homie.. there is always a reason .. so if she is not answer ur calls and returning your messeges .. i would say you go over to her place and talk face to face and figure at what is going on .. and hopefully things work for good..  

Answer 9

Some people are just that way.  It has nothing to do with you ...

You have given more than she deserves and it is time to realize that people come and go in our lives and they are there for a reason.  When that is accomplished they move on.  VERY few people are friends for life....you will notice most of your friends come and go during different periods in your life.  Those are for lessons we learn and it helps us to grow.

I too have a friend who I have worked at a relationship much harder than she has.  I know her life is limited and she has no friends and no family..and she can't balance out life.  Some people cannot handle more in their life than one thing at a time.   Eva is like that.  She can't have more than one friend at a time and lately I have been the butt of her anger for ridiculous things.  I will talk to her and be her friend because we have been friends for a couple years...but I am done working at it and trying to do things with her anymore.  I care about her...but I am not stressing over things with her anymore.  Three times is enough..!  I really do love her as a sister...but like my sister who can't be trusted....I will love her but the relationship is going to be very shallow.  

It is sad to say goodbye...but be a friend and talk to her but let her initiate the contact from now on.

My friend didnt talk to me at work or call me for two weeks and when I asked her she told me that she was angry at me for calling her and pushing her off  to talk to someone else.  I should call her Last so she has my attention and I can talk to her.  She actually told me she should be more important than others.

Excuse me...my husband had heart surgery and I had a zillion calls to make including his mother and sister and I called Eva first to tell her everything was ok.  She was mad because i didn't talk to her for more than five minutes and someone was calling...(HIS MOTHER) and I said I would call her later.

she didn't talk to me for two weeks because of that...and that was it for me.  I can deal with selfish...but this is the third time in a month and  I am not going to deal with that.  I have other stresses in my life !  I helped her the last two years to deal with the death of her husband and we were very close...but my time and my purpose is over.  I helped her through grief...and now she needs to get on with with her life and stop thinking I am responsible for her.

Same with your friend...it is time to let go.    I am grateful for Eva...we had some good times and it is ok.  I can talk to her at work and have lunch with her there...but I anything else...I am done.  

Your case sounds hopeless too.  One sided and every relationship needs reciprocation.  If you don't get the friendship back...especially when you carried it...it isn't good.

I am 60.  I have some very good friends that have been my friends for over 50 years...we were friends when were four...and I have some for 25 years and more...some just a couple years old.  I know that people come and go and you can't have everyone in your life all the time.  Don't listen to people here that say it is depression and there must be a reason.  People can stop a friendship for NO reason and it is due to selfishness, games, immaturity, just outgrowing each other and moving in different directions...it isn't' your fault.  

she is moving in another direction and doesn't know how to take you with her....let her go.  She knows where you are...she is the one who stopped talking to you.  If you keep trying you are the stalker and the annoying one.