A good marraige or living life?

Question

I am married 2 kids... I have a good marriage my husband would give me the world if he could, treats me like a princess, BUT ...

I have no love left to give...

I was 16 when we first started dating, now 26 and I feel like I have outgrown him, he does not interest me in anyway. He does not play sport, I love to play sport, I am a very social person, he has only 1 friend and does not go out very often is happy to sit at home and play computer. I go out ALL the time without him but I wish all the time I had a partner who had the same interest as me. I feel like the only thing we have in common is our 2 kids. I am hanging in there for the kids as I feel like they need their dad and if I left him it would make their life hard and uneasy... BUT I am depressed and want to leave but I am so scared and dont want to take him away from my kids.

I also worry if I leave he will hurt himself, he has treatened it before I am all he has - his family have no patience for him anoymore & all his freidns have stopped calling him...

What should I do?

So unhappy !! some days I feel like it effects the way I am with my kids.....

Answer 1

Marriage and children ARE "living life."  What more is out there that is more important than family?  Fun?!  That's a child's answer.  

See a marriage counselor with him.  Marriage is not a passive activity.  You have to work on it and work at it or you grow out of it.  You settled down and had kids too young, but there's no going back.  You can only go forward.

He's suicidal?  His own family doesn't want to deal with him?  It sounds like he needs your love and support, not your rejection.

Answer 2

So many women feel the same way you do....I do, for one!  You could have a guy that accompanies you everywhere, does the things you like to do, but is a big flirt with other women.  I say that to say...you just have to focus on the good things that he is and does..because every man can't be everything.  Is he faithful?  Is he a good dad?  That's more than some women have...

I know how you feel, honey.  You just have to live your life, have fun, and leave him in the dust without leaving him...know what I mean?  

And good for you for not wanting to disrupt your kids' life.  Again, I want to tell you that what you are feeling is SO COMMON amongst married women!  Hang in there!

Answer 3

Unfortunately I think you got married too young, but that ship has already sailed. You didn't have a chance to really get out in the world and figure out what you wanted and get to know yourself before you got married and had children. Love is always a choice, and it can be difficult. Talk to him about how important it is that you do things together, if he does something with you then you would be willing to do something that he enjoys. It sounds like your relationship needs some tlc, and yes you should work on it for your children. They did not ask to be put in this situation and they are going to be the innocent victims if this doesn't work out. You have to try for them. You and your husband should also read the book, The 5 Love Languages, I wish that my ex  and I had read it, maybe we would have understood each other and would have made it.

Good luck

Answer 4

Have a VERY discreet affair and never, ever let anyone find out about it.

Answer 5

How much effort do you put into your marriage? You have made your husband sound like he is the problem, when in fact its you. Its real easy for you to say you have no love left to give, when love doesn't just stop. Sounds to me like you never loved him in the beginning. If you think that party lifestyle and living it up, is the answer...its not. That lifestyle is for the apathetic, deseperate, losers who have nothing better going on. You want to drink and sleep around, and be crazy and silly...your going to wake up one morning and realize that being married was the best thing that you ever did. Or else your going to wake up with some weird disease and realize that you are all alone.

Your 26. Not 21. You had your chance. You choose to stay. You choose him at 16, and on your wedding day, you choose him forever.

You need to work on your marriage...not think of ways to end it. You need to work on being a better wife. There are a few things for you research...all starting with how to be a good wife. I am sure there are answers out there for you.

Get over yourself. Realize that you married him at a young age. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T GET MARRIED SO YOUNG.

Your husband is suicidal and you wanting to go out, playing sports, sleeping around, is whats important to you? Sounds like a stellar wife you are. Stop being so shelfish. Focus on whats happening in your life.

The grass is never greener.

Answer 6

Several thoughts: You have to ignore his feelings and threats and focus on what will make you and your children the happiest and what will result in them being raised in a environment conducive  to emotionally and physically healthy children... which may mean the big D. If you do feel things for the children would be better with you leaving, now is the time, not when they get older. And be aware, as they get older, they will sense and know about your unhappiness... so your happiness is part of the equation. But if your unhappiness is about companionship and activities, develop some close personal relationships with a few friends to replace what he is not provided. Only you can know if the pain and consequences of staying are less than those of going.

Answer 7

Sweetheart I am going to give you the advice that someone gave to me and take it that I am being very sincere and heartfelt! Trust in God and put everything with you, your husband and your kids in his hands.....  Something is missing in your life and a relationship with God can heal anything for you! Even when the going gets tough! He has blessed you with what most don't have and that's family!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do me a favor and don't take any of that for granted...  Sometimes we can be bored with things in life but for all the wrong reasons! When we sit and pick apart our mate, can we often pick apart ourselves.......... Develop a relationship with God and trust that any answer that you are looking for he'll guide you in the right path!

Good Luck and God Bless...........

Answer 8

I think you should make him go out with you and you stay at home with him part of the time.  If you don't want a divorce the only thing you can do is compromise and learn to like what the other enjoys.  This man sounds depressed also, and maybe he has issues with you that he hasn't yet brought up.  Ask him how he feels, what he wants, what he expects from you and what your supposed to do for him, and try to work things out between the two of you.  You owe it that much if you haven't already done these things.  At the least you need to insist he get help because something is wrong with him as he has no contact with the outside world.

Answer 9

You sound like a selfish spoiled princess to me. What's with this c**p..."I don't want to take him away from MY kids"?  Aren't they your husband's kids too?  And...what's this "I am all he has" nonsense? What about the kids?  Oh, I almost forgot, they're YOUR kids, right?  You need to get a grip on yourself lady.  

Answer 10

This may not be the popular choice........but life is very short and you shouldn't stay with someone you have no love for.  Your kids will see that and that's not the way you want them to grow up is it?  The same thing happened to me.  I married young, and I out-grew him.  I was so miserable that it did start affecting the way I treated my kids. It's a really rough thing to do, leaving your husband, but all in all it turned out good for everyone involved.  I do understand what you are going through, and it's not only his or your kid's life, but yours as well.  Good luck.