A husband who never grow up?!!!???

Question

My husband will be going to school this fall (again). It's for three days only and from 6-9pm. He has a lot of free time during the day everyday but he refuses to go get a job. What do I have to do to get him on his feet? He's been doing nothing but going to school for the past years and honestly I'm just sick and tired of babying him. We've been together for more than 6 years and he worked for about a year then quit to pursue his "dream" all I see is a slack who's sitting at home playing video game going out with friends having a blast of his life while I'm working my butt of for him! Did I mention He's 40 and I'm 25. Can I just drop him like a hot potato? I feel like a mother to him and I feel bad sometimes when I think of leaving him because he won't be able to survive on his own. What did I do wrong to make him this way? Am I asking too much from him?

Answer 1

You allowed him to be that way.  You must of in order for him to be doing that.  He sounds lazy and at the age of 40 he isn't going to change.  You on the other hand can get rid of him and find a man who is ambitious.

Answer 2

Awww, cmon, you don't really think you made him this way, do you? He was this way before you were born.

I will say it clearly so you can't misunderstand:  He's NEVER gonna change!

Look, you've made a huge mistake, attaching yourself to this deadbeat idiot. Get out before you make babies and end up with a deadbeat dad.

Answer 3

Oh, heck no!!

Girl - I would've thrown him out LONG ago...

It is one thing to "support" a man but to literally support a man??

No way!

You deserve better :)

Answer 4

He's too old to change so leave him!!  I'm sure this has been an open discussion with you guys and if he isn't trying to change or finally get into his career or "dream" then you need drop his behind!  There is no point being miserable if things aren't working.  Hopefully you guys don't have any kids together.  Good luck!

Answer 5

Sweetie, YOU didn't make him this way.  Now, you may have enabled him to STAY this way but you aren't the cause of the original problem.  You are his WIFE, not his mother so stop with the "he won't be able to survive" nonsense.  He's a grown man and if he can't take care of himself after 45 years on this planet then there's nothing you can do for him.  I'm all for wives supporting their man's dream but only when the man is just as considerate of his woman's needs as she is of him.  It's a two way street.  You can't have a healthy marriage if one is constantly the one giving and the other is constantly taking.  Marriage is a partnership - someone you can count on when the world is too hard to handle.  Right now, he has his rock....YOU....but who do YOU have?  If you suddenly had something really awful to deal with, would he be there for you the way a husband needs to be?  

This is what I would do:  I'd sit him down and tell him exactly how I felt but you HAVE to do with love & kindness in your voice or he'll just turn off and not listen.  You also have to be careful with timing....that he's in an ok mood and has time to listen & talk.  Too many women choose the worst times to talk then take their partner's frustration personally when it's just the wrong time.  Your husband has to find a way to accomplish his schooling while also bringing in some REALITY to the equation.  Yeah, it'd be great if we could all just pursue our dreams without having to work but that's not realistic!  You need to feel you have an equal partner who is also helping you to achieve YOUR dreams.  Has he even stopped to consider what YOUR dreams are?  He's being a very selfish, immature person and you have to do somethign to make him understand.

Answer 6

He quit his job to go to school in his mid-thirties? That's when you should have left him. If he can't survive on his own that isn't your problem. You have a life to live, not to squander on a lazy good-for-nothing. Not only has he turned you into an unpaid w***e, you're footing the bill for his life on Easy Street. Kick him to the curb and don't look back. You need to find a real man.

Answer 7

i wnder how the h**l  he was your hubby in the first place . the only people i will raise are my kids , not a man .

Answer 8

He should have a job and be helping with the expenses. He's draining you of your will to live. Dump him.

Answer 9

you have only lost 6 years.  and about to lose more if you stay with this loser!  

Leave while you can , honey, theres plenty of men out there who already have it all together and can spoil you.  

You deserve it!  

Answer 10

I bet if you leave him just for a short period, he get himself a job. He learn to survive and fast. You must stop "babying" him. He's surely old enough to have some type of job. You have to stop allowing him to live like a teenager. Going to school is great, but he can have some type of part-time job to help. I cut him off.  No spending money what so ever. He can't out hanging with the boys with no money. And tell him he's got to get a job, and mean it!! If you have to go, then do it. Best wishes.

Answer 11

you are being ridiculous.  

you yourself are one half of this problem.  if you want to be his mommy then dont complain.  if you are fed up get out now.  

dont have any kids with him.  the reason he does this is just stupidly simple, it is because he can get  away with it.  that is who he is.  

if that is ok with you, then stay, if at 25  you have now grown up into adulthood, real adulthood, and now you realize you picked someone who you cant be a woman with cause he wont be a real man, get out and dont look back.  at 40, i assure you he can take care of himself with out you.  he did it before you and he will do it after you.  

Answer 12

i just seen a rerun of dr.phill exactly about that. so here what he said to that woman who kept saying "i don't know why i don't kick him out, why i am so stupid blah blah blah": when u have a depending on u man u don't need to do anything - u don't' need to be attractive, entertaining, interesting, mysterious. u don't have a challenge as u would have with a handsome, good earning, having brilliant career man - u would need to look perfect, talk perfect and know how to keep him burning, or else some other hot chick will wrap him up. so here is your problem - u like him like this.

Answer 13

Sounds like he has a sugar mama to me!