A little help please..............?

Question

my wife had a very hard life... her father raped her many times and was very violent with her......we met shortly after she had gotten away from him.....I was disgusted to hear about the things she went through...we fell in love and got married however she is not comfortable with love making probably due to what what she went through....she isn't comfortable with me seeing her naked...she is ashamed of her body because she was taught to believe she is nothing....she refuses to believe me when I tell her she's beautiful in every single way...she doesn't even like making love with her clothes on .....she knows that I would never hurt her......she just gets really afraid when we come close to making love sometimes she'll push me away or begin to cry or shake and sometimes it's like she can barely breathe even having me kiss or caress her body gently can make her uncomfortable .......how can I make her feel safe and comfortable with me so that I can express my love for her??? I just want to love her like she deserves to be loved.

some people mentioned counseling

what exactly would a counselor do if we saw one???

Answer 1

Sounds like she wasn't ready for that kind of relationship she should have got her life in order be for even trying to date or even marriage..truth be told she will never feel like a normal person it will always ben in the back of her mind ...but she jumped into a relationship way to soon after having that kinda stuff done to her

she needs to talk to someone she dont need meds she just needs to learn to deal with it ...and know that it wasnt her fault but she really shouldnt make you pay for it  

Answer 2

Lexi C, stop randomly posting this on different questions. I've seen the same answer elsewhere, and it applied to neither questions!!!

I am very sorry, but i cannot answer your question. Obviously your wife has undergone terrible experiences and is now therefore quite understandably scared or sickened by going through s*x with anybody else, even if she does love you. Her father degraded her, and left her feeling as if she was worthless, and she has therefore probably lost confidence. It is so hard to believe someone who tells you they are beautiful etc when you have so little self-confidence or belief. I do suggest seeing somebody about this. Even if you just start off by discussing this with your GP. They could then refer you to somebody. Or at the very least, ask your wife what she is feeling and try to comfort her. I am sure that you are already, but perhaps completely leave s*x for now, and just be there for her. Hold her, stroke her hair, buy her flowers. But don't overwhelm her. It may take some time for your wife to gain complete trust with another man again, and it may even have been hard for her to fall in love with you. However, you are obviously a worthy husband of her, as she has chosen you despite of all that has happened to her. I feel touched that you have asked this question, and i am sorry that i haven't given you a good answer.

Please see a professional. Good luck, and i hope things go well for you both.

x

Answer 3

*A big hug to you & your wife*

If I were you, I'd write her a really long essay to prove to her that she is the most beautiful creature on earth.

Make her forget all the things she has been through.  Take her breath away, take her on a trip or something, make her feel special.

Tell her that she's an amazing person & she's the most important person to you. ^^

Even if it doesn't work, just make her feel "Like WHOA!!!"

Good luck!!

Answer 4

if she does not like love making just take it slow as possible kiss her.. buy her presents.. there are other ways of showing your love !! and then the kissing can lead to something else ! but just take it slow

and a couselour could help cuz that can talk to her and you about this situation ! just don't worry about it !  

Answer 5

Tell her the exact thing you said, "I just want to love her like she deserves to be loved." Talk it over with her. It's nice seeing a man that actually cares. Tell her also that you would never lie to her. Ask her why she gets scared. Tell her that you'll never ever hurt her and that she can feel safe in your arms. About the counselors...they don't know c**p. You can get better stuff from the community her at Yahoo! Answers.

Answer 6

She needs counseling and to go alone at first... at some point (at the counselors discretion) you will be brought in as well.

She needs professional help... to better understand her own feelings and how to cope while having a safe place to discuss it. Healing does not happen over night but over time.

She has had something very traumatic happen to her, and likely over a long period (years). You will both need to be patient.

It sounds like you are loving and supportive... you are already helping her as best as you know how (bless you for that)... a counselor can help her with what you cannot.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I am a CCMA

A Psychiatrist would prescribe her anxiety meds and she really needs to talk to one.. There is nothing more you can do .. She needs to heal herself and the only way is if she talks Psychiatrist NOT a Psychologist