A little help <span title="please.......................?">please......................</span>

Question

my wife had a very hard life... her father raped her many times and was very violent with her......we met shortly after she had gotten away from him.....I was disgusted to hear about the things she went through...we fell in love and got married however she is not comfortable with love making probably due to what what she went through....she isn't comfortable with me seeing her naked or making love with her clothes on.....she knows that I would never hurt her......she just gets really afraid when we come close to making love ...how can I make her feel safe and comfortable with me so that I can express my love for her???

some ppl mentioned counseling

what exactly would the counselor do if we saw one???

Answer 1

If you chose to see a counselor, I would recommend that she go alone and then maybe at some point the counselor may suggest adding you to the sessions. The point of seeing a therapist is so that she can talk out her feelings to help get to the root cause. Then work toward helping her help herself work through them so that it&#039;s no longer crippling her. Just stay supportive and hang in there. She knows you love her and her issues have nothing to do with you, so let her deal with the monsters in her closet alone with some professional help. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 2

if you saw a good counselor, he/she could probably make her open up.  talk about her feelings.  make her feel that she is worthy of love.  make her feel that being intimate can be safe and enjoyable.

Answer 3

Councelling is your only hope, man.

A councellor is a trained professional to help people with their mental blocks. Your wife obviously has a mental block. Councellor would talk to her and giude her to a slightly different view of life. They usually ask questions and when the patient answers they follow up with more questions to show that their fears are not based in the reality of today&#039;s.

A councellor will not make matters worse. The worst that can happen is it won&#039;t help. In which case you should seek a different councellor.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for you and her. I have read so much on this issue. She does need to seek counseling and you may need to also. She can&#039;t or hasn&#039;t released her feelings out on this issue. I am sure if you ask her that she has nightmares and is sometimes scared when the issue comes up. Counseling will help get the emotions out and help her become stronger. Unfortunately, you can&#039;t help especially since you are male. You did not do her harm but the idea of a male disgusts her. Once you go to counseling for awhile then you will see some trust come around. The reason I said you may need counseling is that you are affected by this too, and may need help understanding the situation. Of course, without knowing the situation this is the best advise I can give.  

Answer 5

She definately needs to talk to a counselor (of course she needs to be willing to speak about her ordeal with them which can be hard).  

Answer 6

the counselor would talk to you both about your problems and it could help her (and you).  It will take time, I don&#039;t know how long this has been going on so maybe be patient?  Some rape survivors never feel comfortable again.  Ask her if she will ever feel comfortable with you.