A little help with this situation.?

Question

My boyfriend and I recently decided for us to split up and it would be an easy choice to just leave, but we have 5 month old daughter which makes it A LOT harder, as it should.

I asked him to make the final choice about 4 days ago and he said that he would be okay, and thought it would be the best idea for me to leave with my daughter. The reason we're splitting is the usual case, we've fought, argued, and said horrible things to one another, to the point of me not thinking it'll ever work. We've tried for months to make it work, but now we've come the final realization that, in this stage of our lives, it won't.

So, we decided my daughter and I would move (8 hours away, where my mother lives) which would be helpful to me, since she loves my daughter so much and said she would watch her no charge as long as I started school, and I've actually gotten excited thinking about my future turning around. Well, now my boyfriend is saying he's not sure he wants me to go, It's already hard enough thinking I'll have to leave him and take his baby away from him. Even if I were to stay I doubt things would get better. I believe it would just be a quick fix, and things would turn the way they once were before. Imagining, me leaving her dad and her family over here almost pains me enough to stay in a bad situation...I'm so torn, she has tons of cousins and family over here that love her, but I don't want to stay in a bad relationship....can someone help me, please? I know this should probably be posted somewhere else, but I post here a lot so I figured I'd post it here as well.

Answer 1

Although it's always good to be nice to others, sometimes we have to do things for ourselves. If you think moving near your mother and starting school is the best option for you, then I say go for it! You have to let your boyfriend know you're trying to make a life better for you and your child. If you stay in a bad relationship, and your child grows up to see you in that bad relationship, that could be worse than the child growing up without it's real father.

Don't let anyone hold you back from accomplishing what you want in life.

Everything has its own way of working itself out, and I wish the best of luck to you!

Answer 2

my friend was in a similar situation and I told her to go back to her moms.  If you later decide to go back you always can.  Its not like what you decide today is set in stone.  go home and see what that holds for you.

Answer 3

  I think it's great you find a way to vent I do the same sometimes on our parenting group LOL just follow your heart It sounds like you made the right choice and you and your daughter is in a much more happy and peaceful environment I wish you to the best.

Answer 4

tell him to relocate near you and help raise his daughter  you need your Mother.

Answer 5

I have been in your shoes. My first child's father and I split when she was 5 months. First of all, it's not good to be in a bad situation when you both agree it won't work. Second, if he wants to be a part in her life, he'll do whatever it takes to see her, if that means driving half way or all the way. The best thing for your daughter is to get away, and be on your own for a while. Children do not need to grow up in homes where they see animosity from their parents. It only teaches them the wrong things. My daughter's father pays child support and drives to my town to pick her up for his scheduled visitation. You need to get your life in good shape (school, work, etc.) and not worry about him right now. To better your daughter's life, yours has to be better. Since our split 9 years ago, we get along as friends and both of us went our separate ways. She now has a wonderful step dad and loving home. She loves her father dearly and I have taught her to understand sometimes mommies and daddies don't get along and we only did what's best for her. Please take this into consideration. If things change later between the two of you, great. If not, let it be. Try and maintain a peaceful relationship with her dad, and mind you, it may take time to get that peace between you two. Good luck in your situation, and you're free to email for support, [e-mail].  

Answer 6

He is not your legal husband so go and take the baby with you.  When this child was conceived, he knew this could happen as did the whole family.  You cannot make yourself miserable for him so that he can see his child.  Go and start over and go to school so you can support yourself and your baby.  Good luck