A little horror short story - would you comment?

Question

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ddwnjfz8_7fx7rtrsn

Perhaps it is not horror, but I would like to hear your comments, if it kept your concentration and what you gathered from it. Any critique is also appreciated. Many thanks

Answer 1

Alright. First off, I was quite intrigued there till we hit my ALL TIME FAVORITE CLICHE-'it was just a dream.' Do you know how many stories get rejected by agents because of that?

Anywhoo, I quite like your writing style. Apart from a few mispellings and grammar and sentence structure errors, you are a solid writer; almost Poe-like. I hereby award you Rab's Rarely-Given Good Story Award. Here you go.

You need to work on it a lot, but as it is now, it is different and therefore captured my interest. Rab

Answer 2

Okay, there are a few grammar mistakes I can find here and there but that can be easily fixed. The story could flow a little

better. For example:

Berry is his name, and he is an eccentric type, perhaps even slightly mad. Always putting on faces, foolishly believing it earns him respect.

That just doesn’t seem to flow. There is no need to say “berry is his name and he is and eccentric type.” You could just say “eccentric Berry”. I think it’s the ‘is’ that threw me off.

And maybe you should try and make the fact that he only thought it was a dream because he is insane more clear. I, like the first person, didn't quite catch that. I’m not even going to say anything about the plot though. There will almost always be a market for a plot, even if it is not one person’s cup of tea. If you think that it is a plot that you’d being willing to read, go for it.

However, overall I think that it is well written and that you could potentially do something related to writing. Furthermore, I love your vivid descriptions- they're almost poem-like. I also recommend that you go to this site:

http://www.writersdigest.com/101BestSite...

It will give you places where real professionals can critique you, where you can actually publish your stories, and places where you can get grammar help and inspiration.

Answer 3

Sounds great to me, I'd like to read more.

Are you on any writing sites? I'm on http://chapteread.com They have cool features. worth checking out!! and good luck.

Answer 4

it's not the best (no offense though) but you can always improve it. go to a writing sight. (i recommend worthyofpublishing.com) and get people's feedback.

Answer 5

That was cool but i want to know how old is george, and a little more and some other things..... But it is totally a interesting beginning.

  I hope u keep on writing because i want to hear more about it. v