One of my good friends was diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders around 8 years ago when she was 22. She had to give up work and school for half a year, but somehow managed to get a job and hold it down ever since. She's been through h**l and I feel helpless. Anyway, she lives with her parents and has decided to go back to school. She planned to get another job because the tuition is expensive and she wants to do what she did the last two times she was in college: pay for it herself. But her father recently came into a large inheritance when his mother died and he has given her ALL of the money for school. She is so unbelievably happy about it. But there's one thing standing in her way: her mother is holding on to the money and is not giving it to her because of this (wait for it): my friend still has very bad OCD and it has culminated into hoarding. Her room is not by any means uninhabitable, but there is a lot of stuff in there. She is working very hard to sort it all out but her illness keeps her from doing it quickly (she has ADD, too). This is a woman who is almost 30 and her mother is basically withholding the money until the room is spotless. But my friend (who is on medication and going to therapy and working really hard to fight her illnesses) feels her mother is punishing her for being sick by withholding the money. She's tried so many times to explain to her mother that you can't just overcome OCD and the other 5 anxiety-related disorders she's fought for 8 years, but her mother won't listen. She makes my friend feel like a complete freak because of her unwillingness to accept the circumstances.
So recently my friend asked me if it was right that her mother has refused to give her the money solely because she's ill. Her mother even said once that "we'll see how much you really want to go to school". She's using the money that will help my friend toward making a life for herself because her room isn't immaculate? I find that disgusting.
On a side note, my friend has offered her mother rent money, car insurance payments, gas money, and she does anything her mother asks (and when she doesn't, her mother actually stops talking to her, sometimes for days). All of those offers have been refused. Then when they argue her mother will use that against her (as in, "you live here rent-free, you use the car...", etc). My friend will say, "yeah, because you're LETTING ME!"
Both my friend and I feel as though she's being punished for being sick. Does her mother have the right to withhold the inheritance money that her FATHER gave her? She wants to go to school very badly and make a life for herself and her mother is the only thing holding her back.
Any advice is SOOOOO appreciated...I don't want to butt in to her family's problems but this is something she has asked me about and I don't know how to answer. I feel totally helpless.
Thanks for reading, I know it was long!
Tags: