A morning thought...any comments please?

Question

the morning

by jonni f.

tumbled out of bed,

rubbing eyes,

tripping over shoes left out.

to the sink,

ice cold water splashing my face and hair.

shaking last night's cobwebs away.

to the open window...

i smell the sun,

steaming last night's rain away.

Answer 1

your morning thoughts are just beautiful.  

"I smell the sun, steaming last night's rain away" is a classic piece of imagery.

Answer 2

I like this, have you ever thought about joining Open Diary? Its an online journalling community.  It is free but you can also purchase a diary-not sure how much it costs.

There are some really great people who leave great comments and quickly become friends.

Answer 3

I was there with you, which in poetry is a good thing.  Well done.

Answer 4

Hi Jonni,

I like your sense of pacing and imagery in these works, but I think they could really benefit from a tie to something else. This seems like an interesting morning, but what does the experience you've had tell us about the way you see/experience the world? A poem that tells us how you tie two divergent ideas together would be more satisfying in the long run. As it is right now, you describe a moment in time, but it isn't really connected to any other feelings, or thoughts--just a snapshot. Ask yourself what this morning meant, and include some of that in here.

Keep after it--you've got a good sense of voice.

Answer 5

Nice

Answer 6

Were only my mornings so peaceful, and my poems so beautiful. Thanks, jonni.

Answer 7

yes thanks, i have had mornings like it, i saw and felt it. ah simplicity

Answer 8

why was this different from another morning.  the poem may be there.