A new free verse. What do you think?

Question

Well, I'm a little uncertain about this one. I'm not sure how poetic it sounds. Here it is:

Memory

Just an image

inside your

head. So

important, who knows

why?

Without these, what

are we?

Shells called humans,

no conscience or

soul. We

cannot have

those

without learning from

past

mistakes.

If

never forgotten, always

treasured,

you will never

lose touch with your

humanity.

Kind of long, I know.

Answer 1

with poems anything goes. the only rule is that you can miss spell, not rymn, rymn or whatever. . . it doesn't sound "poetic" but it has it's own rythnm.  

Answer 2

I like where you have positioned the line breaks, it puts a strange subconscious emphasis that is not present when reading aloud but when reading to oneself it highlights various aspects of the meaning. Free form is exceedingly difficult, but i think that you have managed to create a truly unique, quite deep poem. Bravo.

Answer 3

Hey really cool. Haven't read any of your work in a long time. This poem has an awesomely deep point, like most poems should have, and normally do, but I felt like you didn't live up to the real standards this point could be conveyed poetically with. It's a nice calm read, it was like a quick breeze passing. I don't know, I just wanted so much more from it.

I give it a 5/10  

Answer 4

You want to make a subconscious image, but you need to make it flow a bit better. The breaks in the lines help, but you need something even more new, something that will let my mind sway to the poetry. E-mail me when you do, bcuz this poem is great!