A new poem for your harsh opinions?

Question

the hopes and dreams

the wasted reams

of pray-filled paper

now meeting it's maker.

impatiently tapping pens

halted around ten

lines of bad poetry

another sheet of wasted tree.

though you talk deforestation

atrocious writers are waiting

another crumpled bit of warming

terrible poets, this is a warning.

yeah, sounds a bit unfinished.... if you could even tell what it's about that's great. i'm just doing rhyming exercises at this point.

YES I KNOW IM ONE OF THE TERRIBLE POETS

at least i type all my work though :)

Answer 1

it doesn't make sense. it covers 3 topics. the only part that makes sense at all doesn't rhyme. overall it sucks.

Answer 2

The subject matter is there and it is a good one. I am getting lost on it's double meaning though because you are sarcastic one moment and saving the planet the next! If you would have stuck with the parameter of wit and sarcasm route, it definitely will be entertaining! Believe me, you are one of the better ones I've read tonight. On some of your words you could add and subtract letters for better reading and timing:

Writing A Wrong

The hopes and dreams

In wasted reams

Of prayer filled paper

Shall meet it's maker

The tapping of pens

Will halt around ten

Stops terrible poetry

Thoughts of wasted trees

Deforestation

And writer's frustration

Are crumpled for warming

A wrong that I'm writing

Speak lightly of this

Literal injustice

The thought process over

For pen and it's holder.

Each sentence, two counts. It's takes more than having words that rhyme at the end of a verse. The timing must be there as well. Pat your hand to your chest and say your lines to develop timing and rhyming. I hope you didn't mind me taking liberty because it was done in making an example. If you like any parts I did, use them! The title you may also use if you wish because it is the perfect description of your opus.

Answer 3

as you write it you are being too aware of the work being a poem. It feels too planned and prepared

Answer 4

It seems to make alot of sense to me but maybe I'm reading it wrong--we speak of being green and saving a crumbling world yet we spew nonsense on the very paper, the very life we are trying to save

To me, in my point of view, hopes and dreams and pray filled power represents both the loss of life plus the hope and dreams poets put on paper in hopes of having a better life for themselves but at the same time killing another

I actually like it, its different--You have my self esteem :) I think a part of you actually wants someone to think its good-I could be wrong-I dont think you are a terrible writer

Answer 5

You're not a terrible poet...so stop putting  yourself down.  The poem isn't that bad.  Remember "its" means something that belongs to "it"...but "it's" is a contraction of "it is", so the last line of stanza one should use "its".  I'm not sure why others didn't see what you were trying to say...basically, if I read this correctly, you're saying that although poets may talk "green", their poor poetic skills result in page after page of paper in the trash bin...another "crumpled bit of warming"...and you're warning all the "terrible poets" that what they're doing is antithetical to their supposed beliefs.  If I were to suggest edits, I'd recommend something like this:

The hopes and dreams

of all the wasted reams

of pray-filled sheets of paper

(now gone to meet their maker)

shoot from impatient, tapping pens

that halt at about ten

lines of really bad poetry

and though you talk of deforestation

you atrocious writers, without hesitation

Crumple up another sheet of global warming

Heed me poets! this is a warning!

The only dropped line was "another sheet of wasted tree"

I'd end it there...but keep writing

Answer 6

I like it, but I don't think you should add too many more stanzas cause that would seem like rambling. :) Its good though.