A new poem of mine/written to open thine/mind from the usual cliche. What Do you think?

Question

***

Oh cloudy sky, your gaudy mistress,

Whom you have kept in your curtained hall,

Peeks down to earth in utter jealousness,

To see in fright the sheen that is equal

To the reflection of her flaming tress

On the glassy surface of the ocean

A light to be a daytime star and bless

The grateful sky as a nightly sun

Rhyming pattern: ABABACAC

By Lulleh (Rid)

Answer 1

Good in sense of rhyming and flow, but again, I didn't get what you meant. make it longer and clearer. And for the ocean/sun rhyme I don't think it suits your form (where you have used perfect rhymes Everywhere else)