A poem I wrote, you like?

Question

Please, tell me if I need to change anything, but don't be too harsh, i'm only 13!

Sweetly whisper into my ear

tonight no goodbyes I wish to hear

Your warm embrace keeps me alive

on your sweet love only, I thrive

Your wish is my command

But spare me please, from releasing your hand

Your love for me is my greatest desire

please, say it's true before I expire

Answer 1

You did rather well, but there are definitely places to improve.  Rhyming poetry needs to have meter in order to read with a poetic bounce.  I will give you a link to a web site I recommend as a reference to different types of meters and how they are composed and used.

http://www.uncg.edu/~htkirbys/meters.htm

I use this one extensively, maybe it will help you as much as it does me.  Keep writing.

Answer 2

that's pretty good writing for a 13 year old.

its deep. i like it :)

peace x

Answer 3

  Although still young...you have heart to your words. Thank You for sharing.

Answer 4

Wow that takes me back to when I was that young...full of dreams and passion for writing and the idea of love. Keep writing I think you have a lot of talent.  Never stop writing.

Answer 5

wow ts

great!!!

=)

Answer 6

I loved this.

Answer 7

thats good, intamit.

to be honest i dont love the word expire. but thats about all that fits

Answer 8

there is nothing that needs to be changed. you did a fine job, but i will say i do not like your use of the word "it's".