Question:

A poem I wrote... it's not very good, but can I have your opinion anyway?

by | earlier

I'm hanging on an edge

Asking for a hand

But no one hears my voice

I'm moving farther from the sand

And as I'm crying now

The waves are only getting bigger

They're coming closer, moving in

Like a loaded gun's trigger

Again, I shout your name

Hoping that you'll come

But the tide has come and stolen me

And my body has fallen numb

And as I drift away

Distant in the sea

I whisper your name one more time

Thinking of you and me.

Please, don't be too harsh. One of the first poems I've written.

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i like it....check out some of my poems if you want...

http://poemhunter.com/jessica-thompson/
Report (0) (0) | earlier
you should consider having it published.

its a little dark, but i love the fact that it has to do with the ocean.

(:
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I will try not to be too harsh!

First get rid of hanging on the edge, you are not hanging but you are standing! right?

Why are you crying ? you are the one that is moving to the edge, there is no one pulling you .

Try to work with those and then we shall see!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
its not that bad. could be a good intro to a song. i don't get the sand part though. and it sounds a little emo, but it's still pretty good.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Thats pretty good for one of your first poems. Although the idea of the poem is very cliche, most of the versus have good rhythm. Keep Writing :)
Report (0) (0) | earlier
It's really good, but it would be better if it was a little bit longer. I like the comparison in the second stanza. I didn't really like the last stanza because it seems like you just put something there and it seems like you didn't think about it that much. My advice would be to use a dictionary and try to use less rudimentary terms.

I hope this helps. =]
Report (0) (0) | earlier
it was nice...a bit depressing, but nice
Report (0) (0) | earlier
OMG i absolutly luv it you should send it into a contest or somin i luv it you write pretty good girl i luv it
Report (0) (0) | earlier
its heart felt, and good message etc..but the rhyme scheme is off..it doesnt flow great..but its nice in general!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
It's very good! I like it!

Very descriptive and emotional....

It goes together smoothly and has a good flow.

Good Job~
Report (0) (0) | earlier
WOW! this is your first poem?

this is really good, for a first time poem....the only thing i would recommend is possibly working on the rhyme scheme so it doesnt seem so uniformed but besides that great job on the poem
Report (0) (0) | earlier
its beautiful.i have one that sucks worse than that lol....

can you help me?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Great well done!

100% honest
Report (0) (0) | earlier
r u crazy???it's great don't be 2 hard on u'reself, not everyones cut out to write but i think u got more than what it takes to blow us away, especielly if thats only one of ure first ones.it sounds like ure feelin ignored, well nows the time to let ure self be hurd, write what u know.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I really like it. i don't know why you dont like it...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
everybody has a personal opinion. some people might like it some people might not, but poems reflect how you feel and some might not feel the same way.  they are personal.

but in my opinion that is beautiful. i love it. i think that you should be very proud of yourself for writing this. it just makes sense to me. i know what you mean by the poem.  you should give it a name =]
Report (0) (0) |   earlier