A poem I wrote would like comments lol thanks?

Question

I want to be your guitar,

feel your arms rapped around,

be that beautiful sound,

be the one who made you a star.

She's hung on your shoulder,

lays next to your heart,

no need to say it,

till death do us part.

You'll not leave or forsake her,

she travels so silent,

she makes you the man,

that you are.

So please I am praying,

hear the words I am saying,

It's me our your beloved guitar.

Answer 1

hey its nice.........give a sweet name to it......i am going 2 note ur poem down........it was a pleasure 2 read it......

but i didn't really understand the last line of ur poem....

Answer 2

the poem is quite good but more like a song than a poem per-se, although your use of lol to make it sound like your not trying to seek attention or gain acceptance made me not like it.

Answer 3

i love it! it's a good structure and nice wordings

i like the last line xx

Answer 4

stupid

Answer 5

If you start with "I" you should really continue and not change to "she"

Check out the small changes below which I feel will improve what you are saying.  Keep working on poems you have some nice ideas.  Vee

I want to be your guitar,

feel your arms wrapped around,

be that beautiful sound,

be the one who made you a star.

I'll hang on your shoulder,

lie next to your heart,

no need to say it,

till death do us part.

I'll not leave or forsake you,

I'll travel in silence,

I'll make you the man,

that you are.

So please I am praying,

hear the words I am saying,

It's me your beloved guitar.

Answer 6

cool :)

Ad-FREE Proxy

http://www.j9j.org

Start Unblocking!

Answer 7

This is a really great poem its sounds so romantic so if ur trying to get a girl with this its  more likely to happen if u read this poem to her

Answer 8

need more visuals on " why she makes you the man that you are" ?

and since she travels so silent why are you praying to hear the words I am saying?   The poem's illogically annoying--ambiguity is important in

poetry because paradox is a part of life but not silliness and platitudes like  "til death do us part".   There are lots of other things that cause partings and challenge relationships   and what about the love that conquers death?

Answer 9

it is so nice and delicate

Answer 10

yeh its nice

Answer 11

Very good.

Very meaningful.

Have a star :)

Answer 12

WOW! That is amazing if you really did write that you are a great writer that is the best poem i have ever heard!

Answer 13

Love it, and love the comparison between the lover and a guitar.

By the way, if you want more feedback on it you can always post your work on www.chapteread.com. You get tons of feedback from there and can also read other people's work. :)

Answer 14

Brilliant!