A poem about suicide, criticism?

Question

his pen.

the pen he clenched

in his shaking hand,

anxiously scribbling "it's never worth it"

a last attempt to justify

his detour to death.

the pen feet away

watching

as he ended his life.

an accomplice to my friend's suicide,

I hate this pen.

his gun.

the gun he gripped

in his trembling hands.

a simple trigger,

yet centimeters between life and death.

the gun complying with his demand

to fire.

an accomplice to my friend's suicide,

I hate this Gun.

my friend.

the friend whose last minutes of life

were spent in a state of sadness

and desperation.

relieving himself of pain,

and laying it on others.

an irreparable mistake by

one who remains loved.

a friend who has now found peace,

I miss this friend.

Answer 1

Not bad, but a teensy bit too dramatic. Its written as if its some kind act a crappy actor is giving at theater class. I dont like it much

Answer 2

I like the way the first two verses focus on objects. I'd shorten them tho.

Powerful poem.