A poem...any comments?

Question

I havent really posted any poems up on here before, actually this is more first.

Feeling unwanted,

Feeling alone,

He’s wishing that

He was anywhere but home.

Outside it is cold,

But the fire inside is warm,

Alone in his room,

The boy feels torn.

Bitter sweet tears

Running down his cheek.

Trying to gain control

But he feels so weak.

The moon in the sky is waning,

But the lights in the house are bright,

The boy sits and wonders

If he will survive the night

He can hear them laugh,

He can feel them grin,

Cupping hands over ears,

He blocks out the awful din

Looking for sleep

But finding none,

Concentrating on his breathing

What has he done?

Forever unwanted

Forever alone,

His heart will always be

Anywhere but home.

Answer 1

it really good..publish it at http://poetry.com/contest/poetrycontest.... ..u can win

Answer 2

That's awesome.

Answer 3

It is very good.  But you should think about rhyming and using complete sentences.  There are NO RULES to poetry.  So try changing the format around.  Also rhyming has the ability to limit the words you are able to use.  None the less, great poem.

Answer 4

These are the sentiments of a depressed mind who finds himself alone in the mid of an on going festival.Who has people all arrond still the snake of lonliness bites his mind and soul and he does not find even a dream of joy,These pesimistic souls only look at the dark aspect of life and do not make an effort to catch the pleasures of life which are knocking at their doors.Over all ,it is a good poem appears to have been written by a beginer, if so it is an excellent attempt

Answer 5

Very good flow, and very powerful. Great job!

Only thing I'd point out is maybe changing this:

If he will survive the night

to If HE'LL survive the night...the contraction makes it flow better.

When I used to write poetry, I'd publish (for free) on allpoetry.com. It's a great site where you get a lot of feedback!

Good job, keep it up!

Answer 6

Publish It and win a prize,

http://poetry.com/contest/poetrycontest....

You could win $10,000 like I did