A poem for today, your comments?

Question

My unfinished poem

My unfinished poem

Is waiting for the train of life

In the shining rain

Before my journey can begin...

I stand with

Derailed train of thought

Terminal and destination

Unclear, as yet not distinct

The journey's hesitation

What yet might be wrought

Unfinished poem, first breath

Perhaps the shining rain

Blurs sight, clouds the mind

But I stand and drink it in

Each silver drop a tear

Shining on my face a grin

Light where I new visions find

True resolve to o'ercome pain.

In that shining rain I roam

The train of life moves smoothly on

The journey yet may lead me home

Past the stations and the stops

Of this unfinished poem

Until the goal is safely won

And I at peace become.

For now I'm waiting....

© December 31, 2007, Albert K. Jungers, All Rights reserved

Answer 1

While this journey lasts I hope to travel lightly, forgetting some of my baggage along the way so that at the last stop I will be able to obtain all things new.

Answer 2

It's quite lovely.

Peaceful and light.

I like it.

Answer 3

I like this poem very much...your use of an abcdcba shows far more sophistication than most people will recognize...its subtlety lends a free verse air to a very structured and well thought out, rhymed poem.

Kudos...keep writing

Answer 4

Nicely penned.  We're all waiting.

Answer 5

I simply enjoyed this, thank you. After reading it the first time I thought the structure worked rather well, but I didn't catch that rhyme scheme. I'm glad Kevin S pointed it out.

Answer 6

You know I am sure that Umberto Eco talks of an "open work" (opera aperta)? I have always been interested in the notion of incompleteness. I think that completeness is closure and it frightens me.

But I love train journeys.

Answer 7

Life is a journey, not a destination. Kudos

Answer 8

sorry you have no flow

i lost interest after the first stanza