A poem for your time!?

Question

this is an awful draft!

it sounds so sad and bad, but i promise i'm pretty happy, and a much better writer, when given more time!

but i literally wrote it in 5 minutes.

i have nothing else to do!!

i made 2 of them!

:)

Oh but darling, you are so cliched.

Just a memory of the past,

Dangling at my finger tips.

I've got you and you know it.

Don't trip, oh please don't fall.

Because i don't know who will catch you this time.

-------------------------------------

Like papercuts on plastic hearts,

you are the wound that heals all.

A time bomb ticking,

I never know when you're going to explode.

Your words cut deeper than the thorns of your heart.

We're only living to die.

But i swear, i gave it all for you.

Answer 1

It sounds pretty good for a draft. I think you should just expand your vocabulary and not be so literal. Meaning that most poetry is indirect, the poet wants people to get a deeper feeling and their goal is to make the reader feel emotion. It sounds ok to be written in 5 minutes. Good luck, you are good, just try to make the reader feel it and also expand your vocabulary. Like replace "trip" with stumble or falter. A little practice is all you need. :)

Answer 2

pretty good- i can feel the emotion in the second poem

Answer 3

I'm not sure I understand what either of them are supposed to be about.