A poem from the heart. Is it any good

Question

(I've had a brilliant day, to-day - my house has been full of my kids, grandkids, dogs, kids' friends - , crayoning on the doors and furniture, spilled crisps and drinks, yelling competitions, loud music and gossip, impromtu meals and much toing and froing and door banging (and Lil'emily fast asleep on my husband's chest)....and I meant to write about that....but this came out instead.

When I became sentient

and found

that I was created from lust

and wifely duty,

and my conception was a mistake,

I felt cold.

When I discovered my life

had once hung by a thread

(the abortion attempts failed).

I felt nothing.

When I found out that

my being there prevented

a parting of two people

locked in hatred for each other

I retreated into myself.

I found books, and

films and fantasies.

When the rows and fights

became too much to bear

I dreamed

that I was

actually the child of

some-one else.

Some-one who would

Love me.

And care.

Now, I am old.

I look at my family -

Two daughters

Two sons

Four grandsons

and Lil'emily

I'm so happy that

I survived.

(unscathed)

It's great to be alive.

Answer 1

First off let me say: That IS a brilliant day. (I would have called it something else, never mind that.) You know what my favorite technique in poetry is . . . ? Where to put the line breaks, that's what. I like the word "emjambment" myself; it's kinda like marmalade. Anyway, back to my point; I thought this had a d**n good example of that. Line sixteen in particular. It's hard to end a line with "and"--it can be done, but it's difficult--you managed to pull it off, though.

Awesome read. To answer the question: Yes!

Answer 2

My God that is very deep , you are right to look forward and never back , unfortunately, I feel  your parents would have never been able to do anything else they would have been forced to marry in those days when they found out they were expecting and there no such a thing as divorce women stayed and took the abuse. The mans name was on everything, rent book, all the bills  women didn't go out to work except during the war when they were forced to. etc

The abortion would have been a last chance saloon and then they had to stay together because of the way things were back then. You were conceived accidently as most children pre-1970's were!

There was no pill and there was shame in babies born out of wedlock. Unfortunately I know your story is not alone, the man and his urges the woman performing a wifely duty,  not like in the movies . This hunk gathering the woman in his arms and her swooning lol.

Thanks for your moving poem.

It is so wonderful to see how you survived if I end up as happy as you at your age and then I will be delighted.

Answer 3

i really like it !,,,

for me,,, the day perfect thats no there,,, as it as have day beautiful,,,

for me,,, the day beautiful thats simple only,,, pass by ordinary day, joint with friends and family along with laugh and pray,,,

Answer 4

i love it...i am happy, too, you survived...else i could not have read this

Answer 5

Very complex and introspective.  So much feeling.  I am glad you are here too, Granny..

Answer 6

A wonderful poem, poignant, emotional, life.

Answer 7

Wow, when I'm older I hope to have the same loving family that you've created for yourself =].

A great poem

Answer 8

I personally loved this. Great message, lovely wording. Good meter.

I can see that you have poetic experience, it's very good. Keep at it.

Answer 9

I really love your work, its very inspiring. The images make me shiver with delight, and emotion.  I wish I could meet you..you seem like a wonderful person.

Answer 10

This, in my book, is fabulous poetry!!  Good lord woman, it's meaty, it flows beautifully, a wonderful story of awareness, survival and triumph of joy.  A perfect example that where we come from is not what defines us, but in the choices and decisions about where we're going in life. Fantastic job.

Answer 11

Sadness to gladness. It is beautiful.

God is good. <><

Answer 12

I really liked that. Well done.

Answer 13

From the heart it is always good, love it, keep em coming!

Answer 14

M'Lady, it is proud I am to have made your acquaintance on this medium, and it is proud I am that the attempts to disrupt your birth failed miserably.  I am sorry for the years of heartache you endured, but you made it through, and now have a loving family of your own to give you the love you didn't have as a child.  

That's besides your virtual family in the computer world who love you as our own.

Answer 15

I really enjoyed poem. I am not very fond of modern poetry, but yours was a different one.

Thank you for sharing.

Answer 16

This is exquisite and the message beats against my heart.  Yes, it is absolutely wonderful.

T.

Answer 17

Your poem tells us a story of a life that overcame early obstacles to become a loving parent and grandparent.

Great numbers of people are happy that the poet survived. Without her, where would all those noisy, messy children be?

And without her, what would the poets have missed?

Answer 18

I did not like this poem because it sound like you are writing what you thought your child was thinking while he/she was still in your womb, and to me my child was so happy to have been conceive after so many tries, it did not matter whether his father and I were together or not he was happy to bring me such a blessing and happiness into my life.  He was happy to be a part of the love that once was between his father and me. he was and still is happy to be the product of my love to his father and the love of his father towards me.  My son has been the blessing of my family.

Answer 19

..

Answer 20

Your impromptu poem is more than just good.  I'm sure I speak for many when I say that I feel honored that you have shared such a personal part of who you are with us.  It's shameful how many children grow up feeling unwanted and unloved.  My heart goes out to you and I am very happy that you survived and are able to share your emotions and your art with us.   Your poem is heartbreaking, but it also contains courage and strength.  For those of us who had unhappy childhoods, we can relate and there is hope in your words.  Thank you for sharing...we love you too :)

Answer 21

Very good. I really like it!

I wish I had the skill of writing good poetry

Have a nice evening

-xox

Answer 22

If from such sadness one so wonderful came to be, then we should exalt sadness, and circumstance, for today they have conspired to bring us a treasure incomparably grand.  That is one fabulous poem, dear lady, and I do not offer such praise without merit (for I am, not only in screen name but in fact, an honest man).  Bless you.

Answer 23

OH Granny Jill! This is the very reason I write about flowers and semi-fictional bunnies...

I read some very painful, very real poems here and it hurts me to the core. I'm not ready to share that pain, and I don't know that I will ever care to.

Answer 24

couldn't have said it better myself! those are exactly my sentiments! i'm sooo happy myself! thanks a lot!

Answer 25

Grannyjill your virtual family loves you too. You bless each day we see your offerings. Impromptu is a good colour on you!

Answer 26

Wow, that is so heart warming and lovely.  A bit sad at the beginning but lovely at the end - that's what makes a great piece of writing.

You have got a talent.

Answer 27

Very nice.  Most poems are heartfelt but badly written.  This was heartfelt and well written, a rarity.

Answer 28

The world would be a sorry place without you Granny!  As it would be without all of us who struggled to walk out of h**l and made it...and thrived.  Who never quit,  Who never became so embittered we could not try to make this world better.  Thank you for this poem which has touched my heart and my mind!

Answer 29

is very goodly