A poem i wrote for my friend?

Question

I wrote this poem for my best friend. she is acctualy also my cousin. We are both 15 and have a relationship as close as if we were sisters.

my friend, cousin, we are together,

we are close now, and forever,

with you i am complete,

was destiny for us to meet,

looking deep into my eyes,

answering the tear filled cries,

we argue and start to fight,

but soon everyting is put right,

life without you, would be so hard,

i'd look like a crazy,random r****d,

time i spend with you i cherish,

without you i'd surely perish,

toegether forever, from start to end,

your my perfect, wonderful friend.

Do you like the poem?

Answer 1

It is very sweet, I think she'd love getting it from you (I would from my cousin). Nice job keeping up the rhyming scheme.

Constructive criticism- obviously this is a poem so you needn't conform to traditional capitalization or punctuation, but consider the choices you make in using so many commas and making it a run-on sentence and see if you feel it supports the message you're sending and the tone you're trying to create. Play with different punctuation or even line breaks. Don't be afraid to mess with something by revising it. You always have the original and you might like your changes even better.

Have fun with it!

Answer 2

good coordination in ur lines gr8 for a amateur keep writing i oved ur poem

Answer 3

I like the rhythm. I think it is great that you have such a good friend.

I would just touch up a couple of lines to give it a little more force.

My friend, my cousin, we are together

It was destined for us to meet

but soon everything is alright

I would look like a regular r****d

the time I spend with you I cherish

We'll be together, forever to the end

You are my perfect and wonderful friend

Again, I like it a lot. I hope I helped a little. Byeeeeeeeeeeee!

Answer 4

what a cryfest

Answer 5

very personal and sweet.yes i liked it.

Answer 6

Yes, poem has good imagery and excellent rhyming. If you plan to promote it further, say for publishing, it could be improved with these:

>>Use  capitals at beginning of some lines , reduce on the commas and consider to include

    semi-colons and periods. Variety gives more polish.

>>'random r****d' wont do justice to your Bubbly and sensible nature.

>>Delete 'from start to end' as 'forever' says it clearly.Maybe--'Together for eternity' ? Modern poems dont have to rhyme all the time.

>>Write 'your' in full. No netspeak in poems.

Cheers, you're a young and potential poet!

Answer 7

its beautiful :)

Answer 8

I think your poem is so awesome and great and your cousin will really love it so...Keep writing as your poems is full of love' and feelings from your heart.,.,