A poem using Rupert Brooke's The Soldier as a scaffold. You like?

Question

I'm not going insane....I was a bit bored this morning, so thought I'd get the old grey cells working.

The rhyme scheme is his 1,2, 1,2, 3,4, 3,4, 5,6,7, 5,6,7 and the theme of the poem (obviously) is his too and each line has 10 beats (iambic pentameters?)

A Soldier's Sacrifice

Know this. Death did not steal my victory.

In my dying I did not fail nor yield.

Though my courage threatened to desert me

With the awareness that my fate was sealed.

But I'd vowed to defend what's right and fair.

My inheritance? Honesty and truth

To be a child raised under England's care

Nurtured with love in babyhood and youth.

I did not choose death. Only, death chose me.

And yes, O yes, I should have loved to live

To view with joy an earthly paradise.

But, I feel no bitterness; let it be.

I'm content.There is nothing to forgive

Knowing you acknowledge my sacrifice.

Answer 1

If this is what you do when you are bored, what miracles can you achieve when you are passionate?

Answer 2

Very clear speaker in this piece. Way to step out of your shoes.

Answer 3

"Hi Granny!",

WOW Impressive. A lot of great imagery and very well written. I love the old Vowed and O used in your poem.

I had one attempt at scaffolding but it wasn't that good, but I'll give it another go. Have to say yours is the best yet.

LOVED IT! : )

WELL DONE!

Cheers : )

Answer 4

Beautiful smooth read. You amaze me by scaffolding formal poetry. My scaffolds bear no resemblance to the original (which for me have been based on Louise Gluck and Charles Simic as of late). Excellent word choices here and your theme flows through nicely.

Answer 5

This is Brilliant! Brilliant O Brilliant!

Answer 6

what Elaine said!!!

Answer 7

Very Nice, I like the way you write, you paint a nice picture, a nice read, I really enjoyed it!  Thanks for sharing !!  Cheers !!

Answer 8

This actually feels authentic. You could have been sitting in the trench yourself, fine writing indeed.

Answer 9

Thank you Granny, a truly beautiful poem redolent of all of the sadness at the loss of young life and although inspired by the Rupert Brooke poem there are other works which echo similarities such as the Harvey Andrews song "Soldier" set in Northern Ireland and the other WW I poem "In Flanders Field" by John McRae

Answer 10

Know this. Words did echo and speak to me!

Well said, great flow.