A poem would like comments please?

Question

Was a long time coming,

so many fruitless trees,

an Autumn forest,

laid naked from it's leafs.

A hint of sunshine

but eaten by the clouds,

the clouds, that so quickly,

cover like a shroud.

The damndest thing,

A fool believes,

that love flows easy,

it always does in dreams.

Was a long time coming

but the taste of love sublime,

A feast set before me,

forever will I dine.

Answer 1

i like the imagery and the rhymes are pretty good. the second line of the third verse doesn't flow when i read it but other than that it's great

Answer 2

I agree with the first dude. This has bits of brilliance in it.

Answer 3

A well-turned, gently convincing piece.

The near-rhymes work, as they suggest the near-misses of unsuccessful affairs.

Suggest perhaps "Winter forest" as it's more barren?

I like the repetition of "the clouds", suggesting encroachment.

(BTW, it's "leaves" not "leafs".)

Yes, this is smart little work. Well done!  

Answer 4

The first 3 stanzas are brilliant. I wouldn't recommend starting the 4th one with was though because it doesn't flow. Otherwise it's really good. Nice rhyme scheme and easy to read.  

Answer 5

love the first three stanzas, the fourth is very good but perhaps re-think the wording on the first line because 'was' is a good starter but a different first word/line for the last stanza to make it flow. apart from that it is a gentle and lovely poem!

also, damndest - damnedest  

Answer 6

its really good. but it could do without swearing.

did u write it??

Answer 7

OMG!!!! thats pretty amazin! how do you make somthing like that up! ha ha! yeah i luv it!! :P

i noticed after i posted this that the 1st guy to awnser this said he didnt like the 4th verse! i do cos i think it finishes of the poem!! i just thought i would tell you!!

Answer 8

Yes,It's nice