A poem would like comments please thanks?

Question

Nothing is as simple

as it seems,

your caught

between the devil,

A tempting eye

but deep into your

tainted soul,

you know the reason why.

Your life may seem dead

like a dark and dusted road

but the devil cant recapture

your dark and empty soul.

Mannacles of llife

may keep you down

and out,

strip you of your dearest dreams,

of that there is no doubt.

Keep strong to your

blessed wish

and peace unfold to you,

for in our hearts we all know

the damage this world will do.

Answer 1

not bad.

Answer 2

Good Job...I am not a poem person, and I don't like reading them..but you did fine!

Answer 3

Mamadamus says nice poem but quit s******g around on your spouse. Mamadamus has no respect for cheaters. Mamadamus says you need cleansing. Mamadamus says you are playing with fire and this angers Mamadamus. Mamadamus says go home hug your spouse and stop being so selfish. Mamadamus says if you simply can not help yourself, at least respect your spouse enough to leave before cheating.

Mamadamus says you are gifted as a writer and Mamadamus hopes you will write poems about your beautiful spouse.

Answer 4

meh

Answer 5

very good :)

Answer 6

I think it is pretty good

Answer 7

i am going to be honest..... it kinda sucks a lot.

oh and btw this world wont "hurt" us, we hurt our selfs so leave that woman out of this!

Answer 8

this was kind of good I think u really expressed you're feelings and that's good.

Answer 9

Very good. Only too true.

Answer 10

to me this poem is a little confusing but it sounds good. Keep up the great poem work. It might come in hamdy one day!!!!!

Answer 11

Hmmm... not bad B+

Put it to music it might make a nice song. Maybe a few tasty metaphors to spice it up and keep us wondering :)

Answer 12

It sounds sad write a happier one.

Answer 13

I thought  it was good.

Answer 14

Overall, it has a very moving theme to it.

I generally like it.

Just a few grammatical corrections:

(Feel free to ignore these suggestions if what I have interpreted as "mistakes" is part of your artistic intent. Remember, they are only suggestions...the artist ultimately decides what is correct and incorrect grammar in their own poems... as long as it is done THOUGHTFULLY!)

Note on capitalization: Some poets will capitalize the beginning of every line, not just the beginning of sentences... It's really up to the author's personal preferences.

Stanza 1:

- "you're" NOT "your"

- place a period after "between the devil"

- I think you mean "cut" NOT "but"

- place a period after "tainted soul"

- capitalize the "Y" in "you"

Stanza 2:

- comma after "dead"

- period after "road"

- capitalize "But"

- apostraphe in "can't"

Stanza 3:

- "life" NOT "llife"

- period after "dreams"

- capitalize "Of"

Stanza 4:

- period after "wish"

- capitalize "And"

- period after "you"

- capitalize "For"

Answer 15

I like this...and...all the time, people read my work then refer me to their therapist. I try to always make it clear that "me" and "my art" are not the same thing. Because my poem is having a bad day, does not mean that I am.

Answer 16

sounds like a hallmark card

Answer 17

I liked it better when "I" wrote it back in the winter of 2005.

Answer 18

This is good work. Everything fits perfect together and it has meaning. It isnt about romance gone wrong or a feel sorry for me kind of thing which seems so common now. To me your poem is saying yes, things go wrong, but if you hold up you can get past the storm. Of course if you let it get to you it will keep  you down. I know everyone has there own opinion on writings but that is mine. Good work.

Answer 19

good,r u depressed

Answer 20

Not all of us assume that it's life experience. My darkest things are often from the top of my head...which frightens me a little, knowing that they are that easily reached. This, however, has a hopeful tone too it, and if others are calling it dark, I do not understand why. I would only advise that you grammatically give it a fine combing, but are we not all victims of lazy fingers and recalcitrant keyboards. Blessed be, keep safe from the damage of the world.

Answer 21

very good. But why is it about the devil :s if i were you i wouldnt do that it's rather of putting. But otherwise GREAT!

Answer 22

I think it's really good.  I like it.

Answer 23

Thats a good poem ^^

I'm horrible at writing them

Answer 24

Great poem!

Answer 25

I would redo this one:

Your life may seem dead

like a dark and dusted road

but the devil cant recapture

your dark and empty soul

and the last one Keep strong to your

blessed wish

and peace unfold to you,

for in our hearts we all know

the damage this world will do