A polite way of dealing with a difficult friend?

Question

Okay, so I moved 1,000 miles away from my home town a year ago. When I go up to visit, it's normally for about a week. I make time to see everybody, but she's all like "Well, can you stay over this night and this night?" and I politely explained to her that I couldn't stay both night due to the fact that I have to share my time equally and that I would see her again before I left. ( I did stay over there one night).

Is there a nice way of telling her to stop being like that?

Also, I'm mad at her since I returned home, because apparently she's telling people how horrible my life is now since I don't live in the state that I once lived in, since I moved out of my parents house (meanwhile, she's 4 years older then me, still living with mom and dad and doesn't know what responsibility is.)

What do I do/say to her?

I'm sure her intentions are good, but she's really pissing me off...

Answer 1

If she is a friend you should be able to tell her exactly what you typed.

How do you know she is saying these things about you?  Who is telling you this and why?  I would tell the person to stop passing along the information.

If it is true then she isn't your friend, problem solved.  But you should ask her for the truth first.

Answer 2

tell your friend that your not having difficulties, and that you want to spend time with all of your friends because your leaving.  

Answer 3

to me, i would tell her off. lmao but that's immature.

so have a heart to heart & say "are you telling people things i wouldn't like to know you're saying? because i've heard some stuff that's really bothered & hurt me" and open it up so that she has to confess her blabber mouth ways

secondly i would say "i'm sorry but i have to share my time equally" is about all you *can* say nicely. anything else would be rude or sarcastic. cuz what *i* would say would be rude or sarcastic.

the only other thing to say is "stop being needy, stop being selfish" and things like "i'm not coming over at all now because you're too needy, clingy & selfish & it's pissin me off!" are honest - but too mean. so IDK

otherwise just tell her point blank, but nicely "i know you want time with me, grrl, but i'm getting really pissed off because of what you're asking of me".

Answer 4

Sadly, your options are grim - if you're really her friend, tell her honestly and openly how you feel - she'll forgive you if she takes offense, or you'll find that her friendship is definitely restricted by distance.

If you really want to be polite, explain to her that it's only fair that she come visit you for a day every once in a while, then see how she reacts - but be careful she doesn't use your couch as a replacement for her parent's house.

Answer 5

Do you guys stay in touch when you're not planning a trip home?  If not I'd just accept that you're just not that close any more.

You can take back control by being the one that issues the invitations.  Invite a bunch of friends to meet you for lunch or dinner, maybe ask your parents if you can have a barbecue at their place, so you can see lots of people at one time rather than racing everywhere during a short visit.

I wouldn't stay at her place while you're mad at her. If you intend to keep the friendship going you're going to need to sort that our. Either decide it's just gossip and let it go. Or tell her that you're hearing second hand that she's concerned about you, you think it's sweet but she really needn't worry after some teething issues you're getting better at living independently.

If she invites you to stay explain that you're parents have been really looking forward to having you back in the nest for a short while, and you don't want to disappoint them.

You could say to her that your time at home is always stressful and frantic because you seem to be racing from one table to the next with so many commitments you feel like its all a bit of blur.

Assuming that you've resolved your other feelings you could invite her to come and stay with you in your new home. That way you can spend some time together without so many competing priorities.

This way your telling her that you want to spend some quality time with her that isn't currently available at home and also she can see the what's involved in the joys and responsibilities of your new life.

You need to work out if it's worth it though, you do sound like there are quite a few "issues" there and she does seem to be high maintenance.

Answer 6

"i know your intentions are good but you're really pissing me off''

Answer 7

You have to be upfront and honest with her. And keep open the option of breaking off the frendship.

Answer 8

You just need to tell her how you feel. Don't say it in a horrible way and don't use any bad words. As for the staying the night, tell her that you have said no and are not going to be pressured into changing your mind, she should listen to that.

Answer 9

Just say Im BUSY!!

Answer 10

Well...first of all your friend is obviously jealous of you having moved away since she still lives at home.  When she tells people that you have a horrible live where you live now, she is trying to make it sound like staying where you used to live is so much more of a better situation.  She's feeling sorry for herself and trying to make herself look better in your friends eyes.

You have to be honest with her and tell her that you don't appreciate her talking about you behind your back.  Especially since it will eventually get back to you she shouldn't even be gossiping about you in the first place.  Its obvious that she has too much time on her hands so she talks about you.

And you're right, you do need to spend equal time with ALL your friends and not just her.  Tell her this again and also mention that you need time to spend with your own family as well as your other friends.  You just have to be honest and tell her how much it bothers you.  

It all comes down to the fact that she is jealous about you being able to move away and having a life of your own working and meeting new people when she is stuck in the hometown where you both grew up.  She probably also misses you and wishes you were back home so she could see you more.  Maybe you could start off by saying you wish you could still be there with her but you have a new life now and are very happy.

Answer 11

smak'em in the face then say your sorry