A problem in social context?

Question

i am sort of a timid and introvert person. i am quite good at study but my social network seems to be very small. recently i feel the urge that i want to change to be more outgoing. i have tried to talk to more people and open up but there is time where i can not seem to take the relationship to next step. the hallo and introduction seem to be fine but i face a problem when i talk to someone who have bigger social network especially when they talk about someone that i dont even know. you know gossiping stuff, how can you handle such a situation? i dont want to be leftout, sometimes you feel uncomfortable as if you are disconnected or is it just my feeling?

Answer 1

Be spontaneous and try to get involved in different groups. Take things easy and show help to the others. Just try to gain friends, talk to everyone, even people you don't know well. Move yourself to the center. Let everyone knows you. If you have something good inside let the others know about it.

Be good to everyone, and be picky at choosing your closest friends.

Answer 2

Try to talk to you close friends about your problem. Since they are the ones who know you best, they will be able to tell you how to improve your interpersonal relationships. But remember, one important thing is to always be yourself.

Answer 3

I know exactly what you mean, I am trying to do the same thing as you but it's hard when you don't know who someone is. The fact I can only remember about 50 names at any one time also does not help. What I have found most useful in this situation is to just nod or say yes, or go u huh and so on occasionally while they are talking, and let them tell you all about it. if they say, you will never guess what x person did, you say no? what? and they tell you. you wont know who the person is but from what they are telling you about them, try to flesh out the details, if they are telling you that person just won an art competition (i know that boring gossip but its less intricate than a lot relationship stuff so better used as an example) and they are happy for them then they probably perceive that person as arty and that links to many other things too such as free-spirited, expresses themselves, the list goes on. in this way, you build up, not necessarily a true image of the person, you only do that when you meet them yourself, but an image as the other person perceives them and that is useful in conversation because like attracts like as far as getting to know someone is concerned. if you are more like someone they will feel closer to you. By doing this you can then use the same knowledge of what that person has done when someone else from that social group brings up that name. this makes you look like you know of the person [I heard that person x did suchandsuch] (without saying you know them, which would be lying and can easily be found out when they ask how) and this will make them feel like you know things they know and feel sort of a part of their group already.

I hope this helps somewhat, it certainly works for me, later of course when you do meet the person, don't let your preconceptions derived from the way others talk of them make you misjudge the person; make you own judgment, but feel free to mention the events you know of (like the art competition).

Hope this helps!