A question about adoption and telling my child about his biological father.?

Question

My husband and I just got married a month ago. We've been together for 9 years now. I have a son that he wants to adopt and I don't know where to begin. His biological father has seen him or paid child support in 6 years I don't even know where he is. How do I get him to sign his rights over. Also my son doesn't know about his biological father since my husband has been his DAD since he was 3 months old. Should I tell him or let things be the way they are?

Answer 1

You should have told him long ago.  He should have know always.  I suggest you seek some counseling that specializes in this issue/topic to make sure you all have support as you tell him the truth now.

Answer 2

contact an adoption lawyer. Sounds like you can get the rights taken away through abandonment.  As for telling your son he has a birth father, just sit down and do it, slowly

Answer 3

Well it's up to you but remember if the father comes around and tell's the kid he's the kids father the kid might be crushed.

Answer 4

I would tell him...because down the line when he is older if he finds outs out he will be pretty hurt. its probably best to tell him. i have adopting 2 children and as soon as they are old enough i am going to tell them. of course the one wont understand yet and that's why i haven't told her she is only 1 years old LOL but as for my son i will be telling him pretty soon.

Answer 5

You should tell him straight off. If you keep it from him and he finds out when he's a teenager he'll most likely have a lot of resentment toward you and your husband that you both kept a secret from him.

Answer 6

Of course, I believe that you should tell your son who his biological father is. I think everyone deserves to know basic information like that. What if he has a medical problem in the future and needs to know his family history? It would be better to know this sort of thing in advance. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will become to bring something like this up.

As far as having your husband adopt your son, you'll have to see how your state defines "consent to adoption".  In some cases, birth parents lose parenting rights for reasons like abandonment and failure to support. So you might want to check and see if you even need to get consent from his birth father at this point.

Good luck. I wish the best for you and your family.

Answer 7

I would wait til your son is older and will understand, but then if you tell him at a younger age then he couldn't go run off. You will know when the time is right!

Miley

Answer 8

I think you should go forward with it even if it does become a pain because your current husband sounds like a great man who has really been there for you and your son. and if he wants to be his father then i'd say he deserves to be. You will definitely need to consult a lawyer for the best course of action with the biological father but from his attitude so far it shouldn't be an issue for him to just sign the papers. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I was adopted and I have always known.  I'd tell him.  Sooner than later.

Answer 10

There are ways to officially "announce" in newspapers that you are seeking his birth father, and if you do it the right way, his rights can be terminated.  Ask a lawyer about that.

I believe in "telling" children ASAP about adoption truths.  Better to hear it from you, planned, than in some other, awkward way.  There are library books about it (the librarian can help you pick one to open the topic).

Answer 11

You absolutely have to tell your son.

My son hasn't seen his dad since he was 2 - over 28 years ago.  He has no interest in seeing him but I still always left the option open.

You may have to track down your son's biological father and have him sign rights over before mentioning adoption to your son.  Make sure it'll happen.  He sounds like he's not interested and would probably be thrown in jail for 6 yrs back child support owing so would be relieved to sign away his rights pending you saying you won't go after the money.

Then sit down with your son and explain things to him.  He'll probably be delighted to know your husband wants to be able to legally call him his son - what an honour.

My hubby is adopted and by the time he looked for biological parents, his bio Mom was long since dead and nobody knew who his Dad was.  He'd give his arm for 5 minutes with whoever it was.  Your son will always have the option knowing who the person that fathered him was, of going and meeting him one day if he's ever interested.  If he's like my boy, he won't.

But you must be honest with him.

Answer 12

every child has a right to know his/her parents no matter what .. in time i think the truth should come from both you and your husband...but i think now is a little early to confuse the child with that fact...

Answer 13

Tell him the truth.  It will not change his feelings about dad.  I have a biological sperm donor the courts called my biological father and then I have my daddy.  Two separate people.  You don't have to go into details.  Just tell your son he has one person that helped bring him into the world (explain that as little or much as you want) then explain to him that your husband is dad and he is the person that raised him, provided for him and loved him.

As far as finding the sperm donor, talk to a lawyer.  He can have his rights terminated if he does not respond but the different things you have to do differ in each state.

Answer 14

the last place you knew him to live, you put an ad in the paper and run it for 30 days, i would hire an attorney to help with this, and consult a therapist about what to tell your son, every child is different so see what a professional has to say

Answer 15

I would tell him it's only fair....the reason why I say tell him is my parents married when my mother was 7 months pregnant with me and the man who is my father isn't my biological father Even tho he isn't my Bio -dad he is my Dad, and Father I know about the other person and seen picture of him but the one who was there for me and raise me is my parent.  It's just better to find out from you than someone else who has no business telling.

Answer 16

Okay, this is just my opinion, but I have been on both sides of the coin. As you saw in an earlier post, you can terminate the other parents rights based on abandonment.

By your statement, it seems like the child is 9 or 10. Explain to him that you made a mistake and picked the wrong dad to help you make him. But like a good mom, you fixed the problem by finding a dad that would take really good care of him, love him, and teach him to be a good daddy someday. Let him know that you know that he thinks of ________ as his dad, and that his dad thinks of him as his son. Explain that you are going to have to go to court so that the Judge will know how much his daddy loves him and that he really is his dad in his heart. Explain this once you have started the process of terminating the dad's rights. That way it won't become a shock when you do go to court.

Make this a discussion, not a lecture. Make sure that he is paying attention. Discuss the possibility of him getting to change his last name to match yours and your husbands. At his age, the court may let him choose what name to keep, but it depends on the state.

Give him the bare minimum and let him ask questions. Answer them honestly, not emotionally. If he asks about his biodad, then let him know the facts, not that the scum bag didn't want to stick around and take care of him.

Answer 17

you better tell him. i was adopted from birth and know nothing about either one of my parents and to find out at 12 was devistating (especially after askign 4 or 5 times and beig told a lie). kids can take alot more than you realize  and i can tell you from first hand experiance everything comes to light one time or another and it would be much easier for him to deal with if you tell him the truth and then he sees his father later in life than to live his entire life a lie and then find out he was lied to. that is the worst feeling in the world. if you love your son don't do that to him.