A question for Surrendered Wives?

Question

i believe, that there are woman who choose to be 'surrendered'. In that their husband will choose the way in which they live, dress, behave, raise their children....etc etc....i would like to know why a woman would make that decision, to give herself completely, and what is it like? Doubtful if i will get an answer from one herself, but maybe if there is a husband out there that could shed some light on this?

Answer 1

I imagine that these women are not allowed to have computers.How disturbing that lifestyle sounds...

Answer 2

I wouldn't say I've surrendered completely, but I am submissive to my husband.  I don't wear anything in public he doesn't approve of (though around the house, I can prance around half-naked, and he doesn't care).  I'm careful to not say anything to him, around him, or about him that he wouldn't approve of.

Mostly it's a respect thing.  I respect my husband, and I want him to see that in the way I act towards him.  In return, I'm allowed to spend his money as I choose (so long as I tell him when I've spent money on things I don't need, like more clothes), decide what I'm cooking for dinner (or if I'm cooking at all), choose which chores I'm going to do before the end of the day (some days I don't do anything), choose how I spend each day while he's at work, talk to whomever I want (within reason, there are a couple of ex-boyfriends he doesn't want me talking to, and that's fine, I understand why).  He also respects my opinions, and values my insight.  I influence all of our major religious and political decisions.

I'm not a doormat.  There are certain things I require of him (love, honor, respect, willingness to sacrifice).  Why wouldn't I want to give him the same amount of honor and respect?  He's content with me.  I don't have to worry about him looking for another woman.  He's the head of household, and I respect that.  But I am most definitely the neck.

Answer 3

We don't surrender to our husbands, we submit.  Even if you think you are not under the authority of a man, you are in subjection to men because of the sin of Eve.  If you choose not to be submissive, then you are a rebel and will lose your life.

Answer 4

My wife is submissive, but I can't accept that.

I love her and want to empower her.

It never has worked, so she is still submissive.

People are people.

Just so you know that all submissive women are not beaten down.

I gave up trying after 20 years of marriage.

She is who she is, and I now accept that.

To make her accept more responsibilty would be abuse.

Answer 5

They make that decision because they are ignorant and/or have suffered some kind of childhood trauma that has made them fail to realize their own self worth and strength.

A real husband wants a partner, a best friend, not a pet to control.

Answer 6

its called brainwashing.

a woman who does that is brainwashed by religion or some other means to do so.

Answer 7

Some people like having no responsibility. Personally, I think they're nuts.

Answer 8

Some people don't like the responsibility of making decisions, and living with the consequences..it's easier to point the finger at someone else...

Answer 9

could be one or more of a number of reasons

fear of being alone, low self esteem, weak personality, upbringing, cultural factors, and other reasons

Answer 10

Obedience to God, born out of a loving gratitude twoards Him, perhaps?

Eph 5:22 ¶ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Eph 5:24  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

Answer 11

What do you mean exactly? I am a stay at home wife and mother. My husband works and is the head of our household but I do have some say so. I raise our children and what I say pretty much goes. The home is my domain. I purchase the groceries and cook the meals. He accepts my choices. I do not wear anything he does not approve of but as I dress modestly he has no reason for issues with my attire.When there is a serious decision to be made we make it together although if he feels strongly about something I defer. We are content with our arrangement.

Answer 12

Never known anyone like that. Gotta be a moron.

Answer 13

Oh I saw a programme on this ages ago, some of the families it was a case of the woman being very dominant in the relationship, the bread winner, the best mother... n it all got too much for the man and it was in effect ruining their relationship.  So the woman backed down (think there is a book about it that they read and try to follow) and they've found it has benefitted their family so they've kept doing it.  Other woman have heard about it and decided it's the womanly thing to do for their man.  Personally I couldn't bare to do that but everyone to their own opinion.

Answer 14

Ugh in high school this girl in my math class was like that... even the teacher criticized her, and that teacher was nice/strict.

Answer 15

I'd rather know what kinda man wants a woman like that so I can avoid them.

Answer 16

From what you describe above, the first thing that came to my mind was the typical Indian women and muslim women. I believe things are changing now but still am sure, there are many out there.

Personally, I believe that this has been their way of living for years, tradition being transmited from one generation to the next and they have kept it like this.

Second, as it has been the case all our ancestors, this has been the job of the women, to take care of the home.

Third, those women who do this are most of them uneducated, really dependent on husband, they have no other option but to do it. From what I read somewhere, the Indian women in India had to burn themselves alive when their husband died. They just had to die along with their husband. Muslim women are not allowed to go out without husband and their clothes must not be revealing at all.

Surrendered wives for me are just as similar to prostitutes, they do it because they don't really have any better alternatives and that is very bad...

am not the husband of any surrendered wife...lol... read all these somewhrer

Answer 17

I believe that diversity is key to a society being successful, and that different families may be run differently.  Surrendered wives sound like they focus their energy on doing rather than governing.  That would make life easier, improve marital harmony, and raise better kids.

This is similar to the idea of an employee who tries to do what his boss wants.  Works out great for him, his boss, and his company. Less internal friction, focus is on doing a good job.

Answer 18

i agree with bongernet's first sentance

God did not create women to be weak or doormats, this relationship you speak of is not how it was intended or purposed.

read the book "Captivating"

each woman who makes this choice you speak of has her own reasons..  

Answer 19

thats interesting-I dont know but would love to see an answer from someone who has embraced that life.

Answer 20

I think it's a mix between laziness and insecurity with their s*x. If their husband treats them like an inferior person, they're too stressed about their children and life in general to fight back. So they assign themselves to the title he has given them. Even worse, they learn to love it.  

Answer 21

Well, if I recall correctly--and I believe I have the right woman--after writing and publishing her book, the author of "The Surrendered Wife" eventually got a divorce.

Edit:

"The section on submitting to s*x at least once a week regardless of whether or not a wife is in the mood - and even if she has a medically-based problem getting aroused - was the point at which I concluded this book would hold the honor of being the first book in my life I ever threw in the trash."

I like Amazon reviews sometimes!

Answer 22

huh?

Answer 23

When that happened to me I was 14 years old and it wasn't my decision.  When I became an adult, I escaped.

Does this answer your question?

Answer 24

The way they see it is, if they relinquish control, and have no responsibilities, then with that comes total freedom. And its up to them if that's the way they choose to live.

Answer 25

Thats a good woman.  Keeps up with her chores and such. No talkin back neither.

Answer 26

Their husbands suffer from Small p***s Syndrome.

Answer 27

That's what marriage is, the giving of one's self over to become one with her husband.

If she believes in God, she understands that the man is the head of the household. If he is a good man and loves his wife he will not take advantage of his position. Rather, he will use it to show his wife the same love Christ showed him.

When 2 can live harmonious with this understanding of one another, they become 1.

Answer 28

I've done that for a while. Didn't like the outcome so I stopped.