A question for anyone living with a bi-polar mother?

Question

Well for starters, this undiagnosed bi-polar disorder runs in my mothers family. When she was younger, her mood swings weren't as bad (but definitely recognizable) and went unattended to. But as she approaches the big five-oh, she has been off the walls. We just got back from the crappiest vacation imaginable (we stayed with her bi-polar sister) but she was in a good mood. The second she was bombarded with real-life problems (leaking pipes, messy animals, nothing major) she flipped. She threatended to kill the family (consisting of only my 62-year-old father and I plus pets) and burn down the house. As we speak she drank herself into a stupor and fell asleep. Besides that fact, she has racked up $60,000 in credit card debts that we can barely pay off, and she wants this extravaganza for her birthday party.

That situation is barely the tip of the iceburg, but explaining the whole story would be too tedious and I'm stressed out as it is. I can't commit her anywhere or get her any help at all because she thinks there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. And when she does say "where did you get me from, I'm crazy," it's all in jest. I'm having troubles myself such as depression and all that c**p (but I won't bore you with another teenage-depression storie) and my father has already tried to kill himself and is completely devestated by this whole predicament. So fellow community members, all I need is advice. Real advice. God can't get me out of this sh*t, I have nowhere to go and neither does she. Any good advice will be seriously appreciated...and ten points is always a plus.

Answer 1

I feel for you sweetie. My mother is severe bi-polar with schizoprenia, and we have commited her twice, against her will. It's a very rough road for the entire family, I used to have to go on my lunch break everyday and literally shove her medicine down her throat because she refused to take it. We actually video taped her episodes and showed her how she acts when she's not medicated, and when she watches it, she is outraged and embarrased at how she acts, therefore, she continues her meds just so she doesn't "spaz out". She was so hateful when she wasn't on her meds, and would say and do the most hateful things, and tell us all that we were the ones with a problem and WE were crazy, but not her....but once she was medicated, she couldn't recall her actions before. My advice is just to make sure that your mother stays on her medication and make sure that she visits her psychiatrist as often as need be. We just found out that my 9 year old daughter is bi-polar as well. We found out that it is heriditary. You must do something now, because it only gets worse. Take your mother to her doctor and tell him what is going on, make it an intervention with all of your family. Once she is commited and on meds, she will be a completely different person. You may have to commit her against her will, it killed me inside to have to do that to my mother, but it has helped her so much, plus the fact she doesn't ever wanna go back to a behavioral hospital again. Good Luck.

Answer 2

lm sorry for your situation, my "other" mum has bi-polar but usually is pretty good most the time, you can call the hospital when she is having a "episode" and they will put her in hospital and have her seek treatment, (have had to do this) excessive spending, drinking and a short fuse are all symptoms of bi polar, this is very hard for family members to deal with and you may need to seek some sort of counselling for your self, she needs treatment and you and your dad need to work out how you can do this as its not going to get any easier, good luck and thoughts are with you

Answer 3

i simply HATE to give advice when someone offers points. Points are a silly little feature that isn't worth anything on here.

When your mother is having a good day, simply tell her how much you love her but you think she needs to see a psychiatrist. That her mood swings are not normal and so out of control that you no longer feel safe. If she thinks you are being dramatic, the next step is to get other family members to sit with you for the next talk on another one of her good days.

for you to believe it's bi-polar isn't a good judgement. Undiagnosed bi-polar isn't for you to decide. There can be many factors in here and could be a multitude of mental disorders to say the least. But it does sound as if some care is needed.

You talk about her drinking herself into a stupor, which could point to alcoholism. To be an alcoholic doesn't mean you have to be drunk all the time or drink daily. But there can be enough poisoning from one drunken period to last a couple of months. Also, a woman can have horrible hormonal problems that also cause irratic behavior. Hormone therapy can be needed in those cases.

Clearly your dad isn't much help in this area. Do you have any relations that are stable? Can you attach yourself to that family more often?

Whether you are 9 or 90 you can't make another person get help. you can't change them and you can't make them want to change. There is an old saying. Help me to accept those things which i cannot change. We all have been there to different degree's. Is there a way for you to get therapy? Can you ask to see a councellor or psychiatrist? Explain to your parents you are depressed and not in a normal teenaged way. But in a way that needs true care. The absolute worst they can say is no. Then start seeing your councellor at school if that happens. that's what they are there for. Start attending a church and start getting councelling with the minister. Most will do so for free, if one won't, switch churchs! Or whatever type of religious back ground  or lack you have, you can get help there. Find a good friend with decent parents and hang out there as much as possible. If the parents are good, they'll quickly see why for themselves and welcome you to their home.

good luck.  

Answer 4

I agree with mum of 3 you will have to commit her to the hospital against her will. it has to be done for the sanity of the rest of the family and for herself. After that you have to mak sure she takes her medication as they really do go to denial. the video camera idea is good so try it as well, you can do a before and after medication so she can be more aware.

Also get your father to call the bank and remove her name as the signatory so she can't spend anymore. This should've been the first thing you should do.

It will probbaly get even worse as she'll probably go to menopause as well. as hormones will get out of whack.